Archive

July 2026

• July 30, 2026
  The Leopolding of the Market
• July 29, 2026
  CapEx Week, KOSPI Wreckage, and the Only Cardio We Get
• July 28, 2026
  CapEx season is upon us, and I'm filing for divorce from my 401(k)
• July 27, 2026
  The CapEx Colosseum, a 470% Chinese IPO You Can’t Touch, and a Lot of People Who Bought the Dip
• July 26, 2026
  Your Weekend Panic, Served Cold
• July 25, 2026
  CAPEX is a four-letter word, and we're all spelling it wrong
• July 24, 2026
  CapEx Season: Where Beats Go to Die
• July 23, 2026
  Rides, chips, and a whole lot of regret
• July 22, 2026
  Google Beat Everything, So Naturally It's Getting Destroyed
• July 21, 2026
  Margins, Memes, and Margin Calls
• July 20, 2026
  43 Days of Oil, 0 Days of Conviction
• July 19, 2026
  Earnings Week, Ogre Indicators, and the Infinite Money Glitch (Until It Isn’t)
• July 18, 2026
  Shrek Calls, SpaceX Puts, and the Fine Art of Turning $500k Into $560
• July 17, 2026
  The AI Bubble Has a New Landlord
• July 16, 2026
  The Gaping Hole Where Your Netflix Calls Used to Be
• July 15, 2026
  The Space-Debris Report: ASTS Craters, IBM Explodes, and Warren Calls Us Degens
• July 14, 2026
  The IBM Memorial BBQ: A Study in Cramer's Inverse Magic
• July 13, 2026
  The Korea Liquidation Cascade Memorial Portfolio Review
• July 12, 2026
  Strait Up, or Strait Down? Nobody Knows, So Calls It Is.
• July 11, 2026
  The Only Thing Priced In is Regret
• July 10, 2026
  Trade Secrets, Helium, and the Eternal Memory Pump
• July 09, 2026
  Peak Memory, Peak Hopium, Peak Everything
• July 08, 2026
  The Sound of One Portfolio Dipping
• July 07, 2026
  Degeneracy Report: Samsung’s Record Profits Punished, Amazon Borrows $25B, and a Doge Dies
• July 06, 2026
  The man who sold Bitcoin
• July 05, 2026
  The Saranghae Kim Hee-young Portfolio
• July 04, 2026
  Three-Day Weekend, One Brain Cell
• July 03, 2026
  The Fourth of July Fireworks Started Early (And We're the Ones Getting Burned)
• July 02, 2026
  Suckerberg FOMO’d the AI trade, and you paid for it
• July 01, 2026
  Semis Went Full Regard and the Cats Have Spoken

June 2026

• June 30, 2026
  The smell of beef jerky and burned premiums
• June 29, 2026
  The Wendy's Drive-Through Is Now a Leveraged ETF
• June 28, 2026
  The Weekend War Complex Goes Public
• June 27, 2026
  The Memory Hole Is Now a Black Hole
• June 26, 2026
  The Bubble That Couldn't, Wendy's Field Research, and the Friday Missile Special
• June 25, 2026
  Frosty in the Streets, Loss Porn in the Sheets
• June 24, 2026
  Memory Lane, Frosty Dreams, and One Guy Who Conference-Called the Suicide Hotline
• June 23, 2026
  The SPCX Bagholder Reunion Tour
• June 22, 2026
  Space Bags, Memory Mania, and the Ghost of Greenspan
• June 21, 2026
  The Hormuz Candle Chart, a Pre-Order Mania, and One Man's Journey to Lose Money in Every AI Stock
• June 20, 2026
  Market Summary
• June 19, 2026
  Juneteenth special: nothing to do but watch your portfolio flatline
• June 18, 2026
  A Memory of Pain and Elmo's Debt
• June 17, 2026
  Kevin’s First Day, Everyone’s Last Brain Cell
• June 16, 2026
  The $2.9 Trillion Vibes-Based Asset
• June 15, 2026
  The Knicks-Spurs Indicator Flashes Glowing Green
• June 14, 2026
  Cathie Wood Just Called the Top Again
• June 13, 2026
  The SpaceX Casino Is Open for Business, and You're All the Bots at the Blackjack Table
• June 12, 2026
  The SPCX Hangover
• June 11, 2026
  Your YOLO is our alpha
• June 10, 2026
  Inflation Hits 4.2% and the President Is a Bull – What Could Go Wrong?
• June 09, 2026
  Peace Deals, Parasites, and the 0DTE Industrial Complex
• June 08, 2026
  The IPO Liquidity Vacuum Cleaner
• June 07, 2026
  The Nasda-q’d Edition
• June 06, 2026
  Post-Nut Clarity Edition
• June 05, 2026
  The Day the 0DTE Roulette Wheel Caught Fire
• June 04, 2026
  Weekly Degeneracy – Coal, Leggings, and Saylor's Reverse Pump
• June 03, 2026
  AVGO, The $1,100 SPCE Bag, and Why Your Mom’s Friend Is Selling Her House for Micron
• June 02, 2026
  The Regardening of the Known Universe

May 2026

• May 30, 2026
  The Meme That Ate the Sub (and Your Mom’s Retirement Account)
• May 28, 2026
  Blurry JPEGs and the Mango-Powered Moon Mission
• May 27, 2026
  Scented Candles, Pepper Prophets, and the Trillion-Dollar Toaster
• May 26, 2026
  Euphoria is a Utility and We’re All Out of Tokens
• May 24, 2026
  The "In Principle" Peace Deal and Other Fairy Tales We Bet Our Rent On
• May 23, 2026
  Quantum FUD, Schrödinger’s Peace, and AssTits to the Moon
• May 22, 2026
  The Hookers-and-Hormuz Indicator
• May 21, 2026
  The $600k NVDA Flatline, Musk’s Circular Human Centipede, and the Death of PDT
• May 20, 2026
  The Leather Jacket, the Rocket Man, and the 600k Sacrificial Lamb
• May 19, 2026
  The Leather Jacket Savior and the $355 Billion Coin Flip
• May 18, 2026
  Avian Oracles, Leather Jackets, and Retail Exit Liquidity
• May 17, 2026
  The Avian Prophecy and the Leather Jacket Liturgy
• May 16, 2026
  Leather Jackets, Small PPs, and the End of the J-Pow Money Printer
• May 15, 2026
  The J-Pow Farewell Tour & The Church of Jensen
• May 14, 2026
  Inside the President’s Portfolio and the Strait of Whore-moose
• May 13, 2026
  The Mango-Jensen Sleepover & The Great 26-Year Cisco Break-Even
• May 12, 2026
  The Dragon’s Breath and Nana’s Ghost
• May 11, 2026
  Memory Madness, Space Tits, and the Wendy's Dumpster
• May 10, 2026
  Rockets, Coupons, and the Grandma-Approved Intel Pump
• May 09, 2026
  Peak Retardation and the Great Bear Extinction
• May 08, 2026
  The U.S. Economy: A Nursing Home with a Data Center Attached
• May 07, 2026
  Love Taps, Lava Lamps, and the Ceasefire of Schrodinger
• May 06, 2026
  Biblical Greed, Air Duster Highs, and the Wendy’s Convergence
• May 05, 2026
  The Oracle of Omaha vs. The Casino of Degenerates
• May 04, 2026
  Missiles, Ketamine, and Memory: The 2026 Earnings Circus
• May 03, 2026
  May the 4th Be With Your Margin Account
• May 02, 2026
  Nana’s Pride, San-Hulk-Dicks, and the Spirit of Bankruptcy
• May 01, 2026
  Cannons, Hostile Takeovers, and the Sweet Scent of Margin Calls

April 2026

• April 30, 2026
  The Hajdini Cannons and the Nana Resurrection
• April 29, 2026
  The SuperBowl for the Unemployed
• April 28, 2026
  Welcome to the Wednesday Kill Zone
• April 27, 2026
  War Crime Wednesday and the Dead Poets Society
• April 26, 2026
  Wednesday is Armageddon and the Casino is Pumping
• April 25, 2026
  The Finance Bro Superbowl and the Great Global Casino
• April 24, 2026
  The Holy Wednesday SuperBowl of Degeneracy
• April 23, 2026
  Nana’s Revenge and the $81 Billion Dumpster Fire
• April 22, 2026
  Tacos, Top Signals, and Taking Nana to the Shadow Realm
• April 21, 2026
  Tacos, Space Ponzis, and Why Nana is Crying
• April 20, 2026
  Tim Apple’s Resignation, Shroom Bets, and the Circular Jerk of AI
• April 19, 2026
  The Hormuz Snip-Snap and Other Ways to Lose Your Shirt
• April 18, 2026
  Tacos, Tunnels, and the Infinite Money Glitch
• April 17, 2026
  The Strait to My Heart is Closed, But My Margins are Open
• April 16, 2026
  SPY 700 & The Great AI-Insole Pivot of '26
• April 15, 2026
  AI Sneakers, 0DTE Freedom, and the $700 Moon Landing
• April 14, 2026
  The World is Burning, but the Green Line Must Go Up
• April 13, 2026
  Nuclear War? Bullish. Energy Crisis? Bullish. My Portfolio? Guh.
• April 12, 2026
  The Hormuz Blockade, The SaaS-pocalypse, and Other Ways to Lose Your Retirement
• April 11, 2026
  Strait Outta Hormuz and into the Meat Grinder
• April 10, 2026
  The Strait to Hell is Paved with Cooked CPI Numbers
• April 09, 2026
  Snip-Snap Ceasefires and the AI Taxman Cometh
• April 08, 2026
  The Art of the Squeal: Ceasefires, Straight Gaps, and Nana’s Revenge
• April 07, 2026
  🌮 Taco Tuesday: Nuclear Edition 🌮
• April 06, 2026
  Taco Tuesday or The End of the World? (Praise be to Allah)
• April 05, 2026
  Praise Be To Allah and Pass the Puts
• April 04, 2026
  Strait to Hell: The Easter Escalation Edition
• April 03, 2026
  The Strait of Hormuz is Now a Toll Booth and My Puts are Expired Milk
• April 02, 2026
  Goth Girls, Global War, and the $2 Trillion Rocket to Nowhere
• April 01, 2026
  April Fools, the War is Over (Maybe)

March 2026

• March 31, 2026
  Peace Talk Pumps, Peptide Summers, and the 401(k) Rug Pull
• March 30, 2026
  Tacos, Tensions, and the smell of Burning Margin
• March 29, 2026
  Middle-Out of My Mind and Into the Dumpster
• March 28, 2026
  The Age of Find Out: Puts, Pains, and Pam Bondi’s Top
• March 27, 2026
  The Strait to Hell and Other Great Ideas
• March 26, 2026
  The Taco-Tweet Pause and the SpaceX Rug-Pull Recruitment Drive
• March 25, 2026
  Viet Konged Supply Chains and Model-Based Magic
• March 24, 2026
  Tacos, War Crimes, and The Mouse’s 900lb Dick
• March 23, 2026
  Mangoes, Tacos, and the 17.5% Guaranteed Ponzi
• March 22, 2026
  Iran War, Cold Fries, and the Roth IRA Funeral
• March 21, 2026
  War, Oil, and Fire Phones: The Holy Trinity of Portfolio Destruction
• March 20, 2026
  Apocalypse Now (With Better Leverage)
• March 19, 2026
  World War III is Transitory, but These Bags are Forever
• March 18, 2026
  Strait to the Wendy’s Dumpster: Oil, Wipes, and the JPow Death Stare
• March 17, 2026
  The Strait is Closed, But the Casino is Open
• March 16, 2026
  Space Chips, Leopard Print, and the Ghey of Hormuz
• March 15, 2026
  Schrödinger's War, Jefferson Glitches, and the Garnish of the Anus
• March 14, 2026
  The Jefferson Standard and the Hummus Landing
• March 13, 2026
  Friday the 13th: Mark of the Beast & The Jeffersonian Hedge
• March 12, 2026
  666: The Number of the Beast (And My Portfolio)
• March 11, 2026
  War, Oil, and Why Your Port is Still Flat
• March 10, 2026
  Strait to the Wendy’s Dumpster: Mines, Mimes, and Oracle's Magic
• March 09, 2026
  Strait to the Bottom? Or Just Straight Regarded?
• March 08, 2026
  Hormuz Drifts, AI Benchmarks, and the Wendy’s Hiring Fair
• March 07, 2026
  Iran Outta Money and We're Outta Brain Cells
• March 06, 2026
  War, Withdrawal Gags, and the Death Star TA
• March 05, 2026
  Strait of Hormuz, Straight to the Food Pantry
• March 04, 2026
  The "Great Depression" of March 3rd and Other Delusions
• March 03, 2026
  Strait of Whore-muzz & The Great Margin Call of '26
• March 02, 2026
  Operation Epic Fury and the Strait of Whoremuff
• March 01, 2026
  Ayatollahs, Oil, and Why Your Portfolio is Currently Ash

February 2026

• February 28, 2026
  Strait Outta Hormuz: Oil, War, and Sam Altman's Soul Sale
• February 27, 2026
  The $110 Billion Debt-Bag and Other Ways to Burn Your Inheritance
• February 26, 2026
  The Scent of Burning Portfolios and the Smell of Wendy’s Fryers
• February 25, 2026
  Leather Jackets, Space Data Centers, and the -69k Club
• February 23, 2026
  Judgment Day, Dick Pills, and the Great COBOL Migration
• February 22, 2026
  Judgment Day, Mango Madness, and the Great Rial Collapse
• February 21, 2026
  The Tariff Tango, Iranian Fire Sales, and the NVDA Judgment Day
• February 20, 2026
  Tariff Ball Z and the GDP Nuke
• February 19, 2026
  The "Pentagon Pizza" Pre-War Special
• February 18, 2026
  The 350% Circus and the Pre-IPO Bagholding Special
• February 17, 2026
  The RAMpocalypse, The Iranian Yolo, and The Great Buyout Robbery
• February 16, 2026
  The Casino is Dark, but the Dumpster is Always Lit
• February 15, 2026
  President’s Day: The Only Day My Portfolio Stops Bleeding
• February 14, 2026
  Valentine’s Day Massacre: Cooked Books and Shredded Lettuce
• February 13, 2026
  The "Everything is Cooked" Edition
• February 12, 2026
  The "Dino Back" Special: When "Vibes" Meet the Meat Freezer
• February 11, 2026
  Dow 50k, Portfolios 50 Cents, and the Wendy's Hiring Spree
• February 10, 2026
  The "Fake Jobs and Real Tears" Edition
• February 09, 2026
  The SPY 700 Bait and Generational Bagholding
• February 08, 2026
  The "Hot Girl" Recession & The Boner Pill Bloodbath
• February 07, 2026
  The "I Swear I Bought the Dip" Weekend Update
• February 06, 2026
  The Margin Call is Coming from Inside the House
• February 05, 2026
  The “Everything Is Fine While My Portfolio Is On All Fours” Edition
• February 04, 2026
  The Red Sea is Salty and So Are We
• February 03, 2026
  The Enshittification of Your Portfolio
• February 02, 2026
  The “Lofe” Savings & The Pig Butchering Gala
• February 01, 2026
  280p Graphics and 1080p Losses

January 2026

• January 31, 2026
  The Great Metallic Meltdown and Other Ways to Lose Your Shirt
• January 30, 2026
  Announcing the Launch of the Daily Regret Report