HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Buying the Top so You Don't Have To”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 29, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Middle-Out of My Mind and Into the Dumpster

Dear Fellow Bagholders and Future Inhabitants of the Wendy’s Parking Lot,

The general market mood is currently a cocktail of pure panic selling and industrial-grade copium. We are living in a simulation where we watch the world catch fire while praying for a fake pump to save our portfolios. With the Strait of Hormuz essentially becoming a "no-go" zone for tankers, we’re all just waiting for the floor to give out while Mango Man tweets his way through a geopolitical catch-22.

[RZLV]: The degenerates are convincined this is "the way" for what promises to be an insane week. I don't know what they do, but P/E is stored in the balls.

[NKE]: Expected to be mid as fuck. Sentiment is split between taking puts to Valhalla and betting on a moon mission after dogshit earnings because some of you never learn.

[QQQ]: Currently in its 4th worst drawdown since inception. It’s boiling a frog right now, and the AI bubble looks ready to pop indirectly via the energy market.

[USO]: Oil is at a $100 floor now. Between the Hormuz blockade and massive infrastructure damage, we’re going full regard on energy calls.

[BTC]: Bitcoin fell below the gay zone on the rainbow chart. Time to draw a new rainbow or admit it’s levered fugazi.

[LLY]: Buying a $2.75 billion lottery ticket on AI drugs. Hopefully, they can generate a formula for 99% pure retardium, because these slop pills are the only thing keeping the hype alive.

[MSFT]: On track for its worst quarter since 2008. Turns out Copilot sucks and adding it to notepad was a step too far for "Micro-slop."

[ROST]: Some bear is trying to naked short this at a 32 P/E, but discount retail swells when we’re all broke.

[SOFTBANK]: Securing a $40B loan to dump into OpenAI. It’s WeWork 2.0, fueled by imaginary money and Masayoshi Son's tears.

[GRND]: The bottom just gave out, and the chart committed gaynocide. Apparently, being gay is too expensive in this economy.

[MU]: Tumbled because Google claims to have unlocked "middle out" compression. The market is selling the sector on a paper it definitely didn't read.

[HOOD]: Peak incompetence. They sent emails promising jet vacations then corrected it to a gram of gold. Use a big boy brokerage, you absolute apes.

[TSLA]: Valuation compression is finally hitting. It's just a worthless meme stock until Elon finds a new way to fund his personal bribe fund.

The recession indicators are flashing red, but if you’re like some of our "top" investors, you’ll just borrow $20k to go long on a triple-leveraged ETF. Godspeed.

Stay thirsty for those 0DTEs,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management