HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“We’ve successfully predicted 10 of the last 2 recessions.”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 12, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: The Hormuz Blockade, The SaaS-pocalypse, and Other Ways to Lose Your Retirement

Dear Valued Degenerates,

Welcome to another edition of the Daily Degeneracy Report. The market currently has the stability of a toddler on a ketamine rip, swinging wildly between "world peace is priced in" and "we are all going to die in a nuclear fireball." While our "Orange Man" in chief spends his weekends shamelessly pumping tickers on Truth Social, our analysts (mostly a highly-regarded hamster) suggest that the only thing actually "priced in" is our collective emotional damage. Whether we’re staring down a global blockade or a SaaS-pocalypse, Hindsight Capital remains committed to buying the top and selling the bottom.

NFLX: As tech earnings season kicks off, the IV crush is already looming like a shadow over our portfolios. Some hope for a record price hike moon-shot, but most of us are just waiting to puke if it tanks.

TSM: The consensus is simple: TSMC will print hard. Even though the market is bipolar, betting against the world's foundry is a great way to end up behind a Wendy's dumpster.

PLTR: After a Truth Social shout-out, the "Palantards" are out in force. While some claim the SEC is sleeping on this blatant manipulation, others are happily shorting the pump like a young Michael Burry.

HOOKER (HOFT): Investors have discovered a company straight up called Hooker. Naturally, calls on Hookers are the top sentiment play for anyone with a 12-year-old's sense of humor.

NET (Cloudflare): A victim of the SaaS-pocalypse, Cloudflare got dumped because some terminal tagged them as "cybersecurity" during the Anthropic/Claude panic. It’s Internet plumbing, but who cares about logic when you can panic?

NOW (ServiceNow): While the market treats SaaS like crypto mania in reverse, some "theta brains" are buying the dump, betting that enterprise workflow management is stickier than a chatbot.

INTC (Intel): We have one guy hitting 2,000% gains while the rest of the world wonders if Intel is just too overbought. It’s "Intel Inside, Mental Outside."

ABXX (Abaxx Technologies): A high-conviction play aiming to overthrow COMEX and ICE. With insider buying and exponential volume growth, this is either a "life-changer" or a very sophisticated way to burn equity like a boomer.

META: Zuck is making a $135 billion bet to catch up in the AI wars. Most users are just wondering why they can’t manage a basic business account without it being a "buggy shitty nightmare."

JBHT: Expecting a "JB Hurt" as guidance gets torpedoed by diesel costs. The intermodal industry remains one of the most regarded sectors in existence.

SPY: At an insane 680-700 level, some are loading up on puts in their Roth IRA, while others are certain a TACO Tuesday ceasefire tweet will send us to ATHs.

XLE/CL1!: Between a US blockade and Iran forgetting where they put their mines, oil is the ultimate "don't hold overnight" play. Special shout-out to the legend who accidentally took physical delivery of 2,000 barrels—enjoy the Wsb refinery.

HOOD/COIN: The crypto twins are still tracking sentiment, but some are laddering entries hoping for an Iran de-escalation "risk-on" move.

If the Hormuz blockade doesn't bankrupt you, the earnings IV crush certainly will. Remember, until you open your brokerage app on Monday, you are both a millionaire and homeless.

See you behind the dumpster,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management