HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Because looking back is the only way we ever look smart.”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 24, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Tacos, War Crimes, and The Mouse’s 900lb Dick
Hindsight Global Degenerates,
Welcome to another day in the "Standard and Manipulation 500," where the charts are made up and the technicals don’t matter because the market jumps like a lap dog for whatever 🥭 tweets out between rounds of golf. The vibe today is a intoxicating mix of "peace is definitely coming" and "we are absolutely sending boots on the ground," usually within the same ten-minute candle. While some of you are crying in the casino because you shorted a "peace deal" that was written in sharpie, others are busy realizing that money isn’t real and buying 2028 calls on hope. Here is the wreckage we’re sifting through tonight.
[GME]: The "stock that must not be named" was curiously missing from the earnings thread, leading to the usual conspiracy theories that WSB is totally sus. Most of you are convinced that if it’s this banned, it’s practically guaranteed to rip, even though some are ready for their port to tank as Ryan Cohen plans his next move to drive the price back into the teens.
[OIL/USO/BNO]: While the President claims productive discussions are happening, floating inventories in Asia are depleting at a rate that makes a localized supply crunch inevitable. Some are calling BS on any peace deal, betting six figures against the "peace proposal" that Iran hasn't even heard of yet.
[DIS]: The Mouse just told Sam Altman to eat his dick by exiting a $1 billion deal after OpenAI shuttered Sora. Degenerates are cheering for the end of AI slop, though some worry Disney will just go back to hemorrhaging money on live-action remakes nobody asked for.
[MOS/CF]: Fertilizer is being heralded as the sleeper trade of the year because you can’t delay food production like you can a Sunday drive. With Russia curbing exports, some are loading up on calls, while others are bagging their own poop waiting for the supply shock to peak.
[MSFT]: "Microslop" is apparently oversold, with some regards buying $500 calls because they think people can't vibe code a full operating system yet. Of course, others say the stock is kicking them in the balls at $373 and Copilot is absolute dogshit.
[RYCEY]: One legendary regard walked away with $2M by holding Rolls Royce since 2019. It turns out that stone hands actually work if you're not trading 0DTE trash like the rest of this sub.
[TQQQ]: In the "don't do this at home" category, we have someone buying LEAPS on a triple-leveraged ETF. Predictably, they caught a falling knife and are down $38,000, proving that some people are destined to be Walmart greeters at age 90.
[SPY]: The market is so retarded that it pumps on "war over" news while the 82nd Airborne is deploying. The consensus is that Trump is stalling for time to get ground troops ready, meaning we’ll have peaceful trading on weekdays and war on the weekends.
[MSTR]: Saylor’s house of cards is attracting patience-of-ants investors who are down 70% on what they call "the right trade." Most observers agree it’s going right to 0 or is a "mystery" why a grifter-led crypto bet went tits up.
[ORCL]: A special mention to the guy who full ported ORCL calls and then deleted the app. His brain shits its pants from time to time, but at least he won't see the losses until next year.
[GOOG]: Betting on a tweet-induced rocket, one regard bought 100 calls, despite Google getting cooked for no reason.
[BYND]: A moment of silence for the "fake meat" dreams. Remember when people actually gambled on this? Now it’s just a dogshit week of earnings to go with a dogshit portfolio.
[ONDS]: Being touted as a war stock, some are ready for blast off while keeping their assholes open and waiting for the inevitable volatility.
If you’re still trading based on technicals, you’re essentially using a Magic 8-Ball that’s actively trying to kill you. This is a "Truth Social" market where indicators mean nothing and the only winning move is to be the one selling the calls to the idiots on this sub.
See you at the Wendy's dumpster,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management