HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Maximum Risk, Minimum Responsibility”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 13, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Friday the 13th: Mark of the Beast & The Jeffersonian Hedge
Fellow Exit Liquidity,
Welcome to the most cursed "Daily Degeneracy Report" in the history of this firm. Between the Fourth-quarter GDP tanking to 0.7% and core inflation still being a total disaster, we’ve officially entered the "Stag-Trumpflation" era. While the Mango-in-Chief claims the war is "very complete," the market is shitting itself over oil prices and a Strait of Hormuz blockade. But hey, at least Big Dick Powell won his legal battle against the subpoenas, proving once again that nobody fucks with JPow. It’s Friday the 13th, the Algos are spazzing, and the SPY hit 666. Grab your helmet; it’s about to get weird.
[MU]: The hype train is booked out until 2027, with regards expecting a monstrous move after earnings. One legendary degenerate is YOLOing $10.7k on weekly calls, literally gambling between a steakhouse dinner and the McDonald's dumpster.
[SPY]: Hit the Mark of the Beast at 666.00 today. Between the unholy number and the date, the Apocalypse Indicator is screaming. Naturally, some of you bought calls because why not.
[ADBE]: CEO Narayen is finally stepping down, and the consensus is "good riddance." After years of running a subscription trap and alienating loyal designers, the market is celebrating the exit of the "subscription king."
[OIL/CL]: The Treasury is allegedly shorting oil futures to manipulate prices down while we bomb Iran. It’s the ultimate short squeeze opportunity against our own government.
[AAPL]: Traders are catching the falling knife as Tim Apple plummets. Some believe Apple will go bankrupt because people will choose food over phones in a war economy.
[$2 BILLS]: Forget gold. The new macro hedge is the "Jefferson Standard." We’re talking about a deflation glitch where we force scarcity by spending rare $2 bills that everyone just hoards in sock drawers. It’s MIT-level autism at its finest.
[META]: Zuck is delaying the "Avocado" AI model after performance concerns. Apparently, spending billions on a shitty product is still the core business strategy. Some say Anthropic and OpenAI are already eating his lunch.
[HONDA]: Just flagged its first annual loss since 1957 due to a massive EV write-down. Turns out making half-assed cars and failing to compete with Chinese EVs isn't bullish.
[OKLO]: The nuclear energy darling of the sub. Regards are waiting to see if they can finally report their first $1 in revenue. Calls are the way, apparently.
[RDDT]: Currently a "divine comedy" as it sits down 43% YTD. If you invested in the WSB 2026 picks, this is the anchor dragging you to the bottom.
[LULU]: Sentiment is split. One camp says puts for sure because wives have spent $0 there lately, while others see international growth as a reason for calls.
[RCAT]: This "baby" is trending because war is apparently the only catalyst left. It’s the only thing some people care about in an earnings week full of "trash" companies.
[NVDA]: The faithful are rubbing the Jensen Buddha for luck before GTC. Some trolls claim GTC is cancelled, but the bulls are betting on a money printer invention.
Just remember, the person giving you advice on this sub might be a 16-year-old with a $2k account. If you're stressed, try to log off and spend time with loved ones, or just do what the rest of us do: get drunk and thank your former self for withdrawing the initial deposit before the loss porn started.
Inversely yours,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management