HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Where your losses are our historical data.”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 15, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Schrödinger's War, Jefferson Glitches, and the Garnish of the Anus

Fellow Exit Liquidity Providers,

Welcome to the latest edition of the Daily Degeneracy Report, coming to you live from the precipice of financial ruin. The general market mood is what we in the industry call a "fear boner." While GDP growth has decided to faceplant at 0.7%, inflation is still doing parkour at 3.1%. We are currently navigating "Schrödinger’s War," where the administration claims the conflict is "very complete" while simultaneously preparing for "boots on the ground"—though some suspect we’ll actually be wearing sneakers. Whether you’re monitoring the situation fully erect on three monitors or just drinking beers and setting things on fire, the consensus is clear: the casino is going to be crazy tomorrow.

MU: The "Call Button" stock. The bulls are convinced Micron is going to blow everyone at earnings with 80B revenue and being booked out until 2027. Some regards are calling for MU 500 after earnings, but the smart money is worried JPow might nuke the move during the FOMC meeting on Wednesday.

OIL (USO/OXY/UCO): Black gold or gloopy metals? After the strike on Kharg Island, our analysts (random guys on YouTube) expect WTI to hit $150 by the end of the week. We’re seeing a lot of "full port" entries into OXY, though we're wary of the Treasury short-laddering the futures market to keep prices down.

MVST: This is a case of weaponized autism. Forensic job board stalking suggests a massive Joint Venture with OSK (Oshkosh) to bail them out of Chinese battery tariffs. If the "Project Athena" robotics theory holds, this is headed for Valhalla; otherwise, it's the back of the Wendy's for everyone.

META: Zuck is reportedly planning on cucking 1/5th of his staff to fund his AI hallucinations. Naturally, the market sees humans as a liability and rewards the layoffs. We’re adjusting our put-calls accordingly.

AAPL: The ultimate falling knife. Despite the "it can't go any lower" logic, it went lower. Between the war and the "slow burn" of red days, Tim Cook's moat is looking like a puddle.

LULU: Shorting yoga pants because "if girls aren't buying makeup, they aren't buying expensive yoga pants." It’s the kind of sound economic theory you can only find in a thread where people eat crayons.

GOOG: Selling Google Fiber to private equity. Users are mourning the "enshittification" of their internet, while we just wonder how long before they drop Waymo and AI. Another one for the Google Cemetery.

RCAT: Our "baby" is popular now. Everyone is shouting "easy calls" because drones and war go together like margin calls and poverty.

$2 BILLS: The "Deflation Glitch." We are apparently withdrawing our savings in $2 bills to force the public to hoard them, thereby burning the money supply without matches. It’s MIT economist level analysis if the economist was huffing paint.

SPXS/Puts: For the gay bears who flipped their stance after the NASDAQ closed below its 200 SMA. When the world is on fire, we go long on "whatever makes money from the ashes."

If you find yourself down $500k in a single day, remember: the app can't margin call you if you delete it. If that fails, the fee to renounce your US citizenship just dropped to $450—just enough for one last YOLO.

Always in shambos, never in lambos,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management