HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Where the Gains are Guaranteed... in Retrospect”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 15, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: AI Sneakers, 0DTE Freedom, and the $700 Moon Landing

Fellow Degenerates and Future Wendy’s Franchisees,

Welcome to the most unlogical stock run in the history of this cocaine-fueled bender we call a market. While half the world is worried about a global oil crisis and the other half is stacking bears like cubes, Hindsight Capital is here to remind you that fundamentals are for people who enjoy "saving" and "retirement." The vibe today is pure ketamine rips and bull trap smells. If you aren’t buying the top at all-time highs, you’re clearly a moron.

[SPY]: The index finally crossed $700, proving that $700 isn't actually worth shit anymore. While bers are in shambles, some regards are still waiting for the epic rugpull or prepping for doomsday.

[BIRD]: Allbirds has officially initiated the peak stupidity phase of the bubble. Apparently, a shoe company pivoting to AI compute is worth a 400% jump. It’s the pets.com of the AI era, and we’re all just waiting for NewBird AI to buy a single Nvidia GPU rack with their $50M.

[HOOD]: Robinhood shares popped because the SEC scrapped the $25k PDT rule. Get ready for a new ATH of margin bankruptcies and 100 trades a day just to be up $0.68.

[NFLX]: The launch sequence is initiated as we head into tech earnings. Some are playing calls for record numbers, while others are terrified of getting fucked up by the IV crush yet again.

[TSLA]: Forget the car sales; Elon’s polygon factory is printing 150-baggers on 0DTE calls. It’s like God is telling the bears they were wrong all along.

[MSFT]: While some positions are finally green, others are paper-handing their calls right before a massive spike. Thank you for your sacrifice to the stonk gods.

[TSM]: The consensus is that TSMC will print hard this week. Pairing TSM and ASML earnings in the same week feels barely legal.

[HOOKER]: Yes, there is a company straight up called Hooker, and yes, the board is calling for calls. Fentanyl on Monday, Hooker on Thursday—the WSB calendar is looking robust.

[LYV]: The jury found they illegally monopolized the market, which means we might eventually buy a ticket without trading in our mortgage.

[LNG]: The bear huddle is forming around energy stocks as the Strait of Hormuz remains a geopolitical dumpster fire.

[JPM]: Jamie Dimon knocked it out of the park, so naturally, the stock is down. Banks are never worth it, but someone has to provide the liquidity for our losses.

[BTC]: We're tracking the IRGC's financial stress via hashrates. When the energy goes from mining to defense, you know the mango’s blockade is actually working.

In conclusion, if you're worried about the market being rigged, just remember: it is. But as long as shoe companies are building data centers, we’re in a timeline where logic is an optional accessory. Don't be a paper-handed bitch—fomo in at the top like a true visionary.

Stay leveraged,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management