HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“If we'd known then what we know now, we'd still be at Wendy's.”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 09, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Snip-Snap Ceasefires and the AI Taxman Cometh

Greetings, Degenerate LPs and Future Wendy’s Franchisees,

The market vibe today is what happens when you let a magic mushroom-addled AI manage a casino inside a dumpster fire. We’ve reached a level of enlightenment where bad news is bullish, good news is bullish, and threatening genocide is apparently the ultimate technical indicator for a relief rally. While "Mango" (Trump) spends his time negotiating with gift cards and the Middle East engages in a game of ceasefire snip-snap, the SPY continues to act like an index for some other planet where physics and fiscal responsibility were never invented.

[INTU]: The TurboTax monopoly is facing a Chegg-style execution after a regard used Claude to file for $0 by vibe asking nicely. Despite the $46M in lobbying spent to make your life miserable, investors are shorting $100k on the thesis that AI can handle massive loss carry-overs better than a human ever could.

[AMZN]: Jeff Bezos is coming for everyone's lunch. Between selling AI chips to spite Nvidia, launching satellites to hurt Musk’s wallet, and delivering weight-loss pills for the "Prime Era", the stock is ripping. It turns out "could sell" is a valid technical breakout in 2026.

[SPY]: The ultimate fraudulent casino. Bears are screaming into the void after $18,000 vanishes in 60 seconds of 0DTE madness. It doesn't matter if the world is ending, the SPY will stay green until your puts expire worthless.

[INTC]: Grandma’s revenge is here. While the sub spent years calling Intel "dead money," the stock is well past $60. One poor soul missed $200,000 in gains because they let a "community of shitposters" talk them into selling covered calls.

[USO]: Betting on the Strait of Hormuz Loyalty Program. With the Strait closed, then open, then closed again, oil has become a cucking machine for anyone trusting politicians over the tape.

[WTI]: Crude is above $90 and energy crisis fear is the only thing keeping the 🌈🐻 alive.

[NVDA]: Jassy's yapping about selling AI chips is supposedly a threat, but nobody is betting against the leather jacket man just yet.

[NBIS]: The "Golden Ticker". While other cloud plays are diluting like crazy, Nebius is actually printing money.

[META]: Zuck is throwing another $21 billion into the AI furnace with CoreWeave. Puts are being eyeballed for earnings because the last capex blowout wasn't painful enough.

[DOCN]: A rare victory for patience. One not-so-regarded investor realized a $2M gain after holding for 8 months.

[RDDT]: Our DOCN hero is taking that $2M and rolling into an $8M Reddit YOLO because, apparently, if you aren't investing in your own echo chamber, you aren't really playing.

[ADBE]: Death by a thousand cuts. One investor is watching $383k bleed out on a company that uses "shitty Indians" to harass subscribers.

[ORCL]: Getting absolutely crushed on LEAPs. The plan? Keep buying with every paycheck until the account reaches zero or 2028.

In conclusion, don't ask if the nuclear apocalypse or the human-meat Big Mac is priced in. The answer is yes. The market already knows your subconscious thoughts before you even fail to fill your calls. Just put the fries in the bag and accept your fate.

See you at the dumpster,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management