HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Where Yesterday’s Gains are Tomorrow’s Loss Porn.”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 17, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: The Strait is Closed, But the Casino is Open
Degenerates,
Welcome to another day in the greatest circus on earth. While the world is worried about the Strait of Hormuz being closed and Mango dropping bombs, our investors are busy smoking Ozempic out of gravity bongs and wondering why their portfolios look like a crime scene. The general market mood is somewhere between "we are winning" and "please send help." Let’s dive into the wreckage of today’s top tickers.
[MU]: It’s finally Micron’s week, and the bulls are hoping it prints after high-volume production news for Nvidia’s Vera Rubin. While some are going balls deep on margin, the smart money—or what passes for it here—is selling before the FOMC to avoid getting nuked by Powell.
[LULU]: Sentiment is as split as a pair of overpriced yoga pants. We have guys stalking subreddits for leopard print updates and betting their house down payments on a turnaround. Meanwhile, bears are calling it "DUDU" and claiming the athleisure niche is competed away.
[NVDA]: Jensen Huang is out here pulling $1 trillion numbers out of his leather jacket, but the stock is acting like oil is useless. Some say it’s dirt cheap, others say the AI bubble burst will be epic. It’s been sideways for nine months, which is the longest a regard has ever held anything without crying.
[NBIS]: Management decided to dunk on retail with a massive dilution right after a pump. It’s a classic rug pull, leaving bagholders wondering why they didn't sell yesterday. Apparently, NBIS doesn't stand for Nabisco, which is a shame because we could all use a cookie right now.
[HIMS]: One legendary regard decided to go balls deep with $270,000 on dick pills because he was "tired of not making money." Naturally, he’s already down 22%. If only HIMS was as hard as his position.
[MVST]: A textbook case of the blind leading the blind. A "jabroni" wrote a whole essay only for the stock to dump. Some added shares just to "feel something," and that something was likely poverty.
[USO]: Betting against oil during a war is a special kind of talent. These puts were cooked with gas—and not the kind that makes your car go. With zero throughput thru the strait, these positions are heading straight to zero.
[SPY/SPX]: The 0DTE lottery continues to be the primary cause of anxiety in the tri-state area. We saw a $736k gain for one guy and a 9k loss for another who was just happy the color red looked cute.
[OKLO]: Sentiment is so shit that people are expecting a horrific call because they don't actually make money. RIP to the put holders, though.
[TOST]: A restaurant tech leader bet during a time when no one is going to restaurants. Bold. The bear case is basically "everything is fucked," but the product is apparently "sticky" like the floors of the diners it serves.
[SOC]: This billion-dollar oil field is getting turned back on by federal decree. It’s a "drill baby drill" play that’s under the radar for most, probably because it requires a brain virus to read that much DD.
[MA]: Mastercard is buying stablecoin tech just so they can charge 3% for a digital dollar. It’s bullish for ETH, apparently, though most of you are still trying to figure out what a stablecoin is.
[GETTY]: Looking for a miracle to avoid delisting because AI bullshit is replacing real images. Who needs professional photography when you can have a seven-fingered AI model for free?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the impending recession, the SEC proposing to eliminate quarterly reporting (so we can finally vibe-account our way to greatness), or the fact that Nvidia datacenters are moving to space, just remember: there is no price on non-stop 24/7 retard.
Inversely yours,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management