HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Because we’re only right when the market is closed.”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 18, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Strait to the Wendy’s Dumpster: Oil, Wipes, and the JPow Death Stare
Salutations, you yield-starved degenerates,
Welcome to the apocalypse, now in HD. Between the Middle East turning into a Micheal Bay film and the PPI report confirming that inflation is hotter than a stolen catalytic converter, the mood is somewhere between "panic sell everything" and "buy the dip with your mom's mortgage money." JPow showed up today, looked at the burning oil fields, and told us it’s definitely not stagflation. We believe him as much as we believe Mango’s Truth Social ads. Trillions are being wiped out, but don’t worry, we’ve got strategic cheese reserves to keep us fed during the coming depression.
[MU]: Micron committed the greatest cardinal sin in tech: they tripled revenue and beat estimates by 40%, yet the stock is tanking after hours. Some lucky regards are boasting about 8-baggers, while others are just monitoring the situation from their gooning stations.
[LULU]: The "Becky" trade is in shambles. One investor effectively bet their house down payment on leggings, only to be told they’re completely DeLULU. While 40-year-old leopard print ladies might be bullish, the chart looks as flat as a girlfriend's chest.
[SPX]: Pure brain rot. We’ve got "intellectuals" dropping $60k on 0DTE puts based on "vibes" and "happy accidents" in Iran. It’s a total gamble, but hey, today they eat, tomorrow they're back to sleep for dinner.
[MSFT]: "Microslop" is apparently ruining lives because it dropped 1%. The paper hands are out in full force, panic-selling one of the safest companies on Earth. If you can't handle a 1% swing, you belong here with the rest of us.
[IRR]: The Iranian Rial is the new Bathroom Arbitrage Strategy. It's so worthless it’s cheaper than Costco toilet paper. Long hygiene, short plumbing.
[MVST]: A classic case of the blind leading the blind. One "jabroni" wrote a whole essay only for it to drop, proving once again that DD on this sub is just a GULP away from disaster.
[SNDK]: SanDisk is printing 8-baggers for the "humble wheelers" who caught the cycle perfectly. While some are getting assigned at $753, others are just happy to see options action actually working for once.
[OKLO]: Sentiment is so absolute trash that people are expecting it to moon just to spite the put holders. It’s a nuclear mess where nobody makes money.
[NVDA]: Jensen’s masterpiece is now so boring it got added to the Low Volatility Index. It’s stuck at $180 while the rest of the world burns.
[RKLB]: Rocket Lab is the only way to Valhalla. One French regard has been holding since 2021, and despite their wife leaving them, they’re still "fucking hard."
[METALS]: Silver and Platinum bulls are stomach-churning after buying at the exact top. China/US retaliation is turning shiny rocks into heavy bags.
[DOCU]: Bear territory. The consensus is puts for sure because everything retail-adjacent is getting killed by the Fed.
[RCAT]: Red Cat is the new popular baby in a week full of "filth" companies. It's one of the few names not being actively nuked by Powell.
If you’re feeling suicidal after seeing 5 years of failure and a portfolio that looks like a death rattle, just remember: you’re not alone, you’re just consistent at losing. Maybe try investing in yourself or cashing out to buy some Iranian money for your bathroom.
Don't forget to tip your landlord,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management