HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Turning Today's Certainty Into Tomorrow's Poverty”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: February 23, 2026 at 07:00 PM EST
Subject: Judgment Day, Dick Pills, and the Great COBOL Migration
Hindsight Global Regards,
Welcome to the start of what is shaping up to be the greatest wealth destruction week in recent memory. The general market mood is somewhere between a Silicon Valley episode and a televised bloodbath for our wallets. While you were busy actually working your day jobs, the analysts here at Hindsight have been monitoring the only metric that matters: the collective mental degradation of retail traders. Between Trump’s 15% tariff threats and Anthropic’s Claude AI frying every SaaS stock in sight, the only thing green in our office is the mold on the leftover Wendy’s bags.
NVDA: The collective hope of the entire financial system rests on one man. If Jensen misses on Wednesday, the entire market is fucked. The Leather Jacket King supposedly verified himself via ballprint in an AMA today, which is the only DD we need to know that Wednesday is judgment day for humanity.
IBM: A total falling knife situation. The stock cratered because the market realized LLMs can write code—specifically, Claude migrating the COBOL systems that basically hold the world’s banks together. One intern made a demo and now IBM’s entire existence is being shorted into the dirt.
HIMS: Investors who bought calls are officially cooked. Despite beating EPS, the stock took a dick pill and forgot how to stay up. Between theta fking retail and a DOJ investigation, one brave soul managed to YOLO $336k of life savings based on a ChatGPT prediction.
PYPL: Halted today on takeover rumors. While value investors are rejoicing, the smart money suspects this is just a Bloomberg fake news story designed to generate exit liquidity for institutional bagholders. If you’re buying this junk, you probably still use a checkbook.
NVO: Weight loss is hard when your stock sinks 15%. Their latest trial failed to beat Eli Lilly, turning every Novo bagholder into a "long term investor" overnight. Apparently, the company is helping people lose weight by making food unaffordable.
MSFT: Formerly the "Magnificent 7," now the leader of the "Bag 7". The stock erased its entire 2025 gain today. Naturally, our favorite regards are tripling down on calls because they believe catching a falling knife is a viable value play.
BTC: Our "digital gold" is currently bleeding out below $65,000. It turns out Bitcoin is a great hedge against government overreach unless the government actually does something. Saylor’s margin call is the only thing the market is looking forward to more than a warm meal.
Data Centers: The next big bubble is seeking credit ratings. We’re literally speedrunning the 2008 mortgage crisis with "Data Center Backed Securities." Triple A ratings where the A stands for Ass.
UBER: Acquiring SpotHero so they can jack up parking prices and force you into an Uber instead. The logic? We’re getting robotic taxis in the future, but for now, we’ll just own the driveway you can’t afford to park in.
SPY: The only thing keeping the lights on are 0DTE 🌈 🐻 puts. One trader broke even on a 200k loss by rolling the bones on a single trade. It’s monster plays like this that keep the liquidity sweeps exciting.
HOOD: The casino is doubling down as Vlad rolls out short selling for retail. Now we can casually lose the value of an entire house in both directions.
LLY: The absolute GOAT of weight loss. While NVO is in the cuck chair, Lilly’s pipeline is set to rape anyone betting on a skinny Denmark.
WDAY: Puts are the play here because nobody can find a job. If the software doesn't work, maybe the unemployment office will.
If your portfolio is a bonfire and you’re already shopping for cheap rope, just remember: it’s not a loss until you sell. Or until you expire worthless on Friday. Whatever comes first.
With a pocket full of puts and a stomach full of cheap nuggets,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management