HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Our 20/20 vision is strictly restricted to the rear-view mirror.”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 11, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Strait Outta Hormuz and into the Meat Grinder
Greetings, fellow degenerates and liquidity providers,
The market vibe right now is a clown show masquerading as a global economy. While the world's most talented accountants are rushing to report earnings for no reason, the rest of the herd is panicking over Anthropic’s Mythos AI model—a model so powerful it’s allegedly exploiting bank vulnerabilities while consuming 30% of your tokens on a single "Hi Claude" prompt. Between cooked CPI data that looks like it was engineered in a Soviet basement and the "Mango" in Chief shamelessly pumping tickers on Truth Social, we are definitely pricing in world peace while energy costs soar.
[NFLX]: It’s the start of tech earnings season, so strap in. Some expect record numbers and price hikes, while others are ready to puke if it tanks. The IV is suspiciously low, which usually means we’re all about to get crushed.
[PLTR]: Currently the victim of an open market manipulation by the POTUS. Despite the verbal bailout, the SaaSapocalypse bears are screaming. It’s either a corrupt grift or rigged, depending on how many of your puts were sniped by a tweet.
[NET]: Cloudflare is catching strays because the market thinks a smarter chatbot makes internet plumbing obsolete. The panic selling is so intense that people are dumping anything with a terminal tag, even if it makes zero logical sense.
[USO]: Oil is climbing because Iran can’t find the mines they planted in the Strait of Hormuz—total Looney Tunes vibes. Meanwhile, some legend accidentally ordered 2,000 physical barrels of crude on his app. He’s officially in the oil business now, and we suggest storing it by the ornamental gourds.
[TSM]: Expected to print hard and head to the moon. It seems everyone and their mother is betting on this one going crazy next Thursday.
[INTC]: Nana is finally proud. We've got 1000% gains on Jan 2027 leaps, reminding everyone of the grandma inheritance guy. It's a legendary move in a sea of red.
[MSFT]: Currently being treated like a falling knife handled by a predator. Some call it an abusive relationship, but the theta brains are scooping it up, calling it a steal at these prices.
[NVO]: Novo Nordisk has rapidly created thousands of bagholders. The first-mover advantage wore off, and Indian generic companies are selling equivalent products for $15. This staircase to hell chart is breaking hearts.
[SPY]: The market is so delusional that mango tweets might pump it to 1000 just to unlock SPY2. Despite inflation being fake and gay, some gay bears are still trying to bet against the farm.
[QQQ]: A dead cat bounce for the ages. Some are betting on the Great Depression with $340 puts (expecting nuclear war), while others are closing 568% gains.
[META]: Spending $135 billion to catch up with Anthropic while everyone wonders what happened to the Metaverse. Zuckerberg is just burning money on other people’s ideas like a VR RuneScape developer.
[ASML]: Calls should be the play according to the regards who like tech giants that actually own infrastructure.
[AMZN]: Massive rerating this week. If you sold your calls for a $200 gain a day before the rip, you're doing it right.
[HOOKER]: The most hilarious ticker of the week. Calls on Hookers is the current strategy for investors who can’t tell the difference between furniture companies and their weekend plans.
If you aren't currently shorting physical crude you don't own while taking an Adderall-fueled YOLO trip through Robinhood, are you even an investor? Remember, stonks only go up, and if the market crashes, it's just Christian Bale's fault.
Stay thirsty for that exit liquidity,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management