HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Providing institutional-grade exit liquidity for a brighter tomorrow.”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 13, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Nuclear War? Bullish. Energy Crisis? Bullish. My Portfolio? Guh.

Greetings, fellow degens and future bankruptcy filers,

If you’re looking for rational economic theory, you’ve wandered into the wrong casino. We are currently living in a simulation where the Strait of Hormuz is double-blockaded, oil is screaming toward the moon, and yet the market is greener than a Ketamine rip. While the "poors" are busy spending 100% of their income on living expenses, our intellectual superiors on the subreddit are busy leveraging their souls into 0DTE calls. The bears haven't just left the building; they’ve been systematically slaughtered and turned into ornamental rugs.

SPY: Currently hovering at a state of pure madness around $686. Some regards are lighting half a milly on fire on hero-or-zero plays, while others are getting pegged by the trend. It turns out that double blockades in the Middle East actually equal a positive in 4th-grade math.

SNDK: The geniuses at SanDisk are apparently patenting hopium to replace helium shortages. Investors who thought $200 was a ceiling are now weeping because they didn't buy the "too high" levels.

HOOKER: Yes, there is a company just straight up called Hooker. Naturally, our analysts are recommending calls on Hookers because we have the sense of humor of 12-year-olds.

NFLX: The official start of tech earnings strap-in season. While some canceled after "All of Us Are Dead" season 2 didn't drop, the market expects record numbers through pure price-gouging.

NVDA: Rumors are swirling that Jensen is negotiating to buy anything with a power button, from Dell to Gateway 2000. If they buy the Xbox division, expect the sun to rise in the West.

BRENT / OIL: The physical market is screaming supply shock with prices hitting $150, while the paper market ignores reality. It’s a classic case of market manipulation holding the dam before the flood.

NKE: Avoiding this like the plague. One investor managed to be red on both calls and puts, which is honestly incredible work. It is the ugliest portfolio we’ve seen since living in a trailer with our moms.

PLTR: Apparently, nothing will make the market go down, and Palantir is being cited as the reason the strait is open. It's energy crisis bullishness at its peak.

TSM / ASML: The "is it legal?" duo. Most are betting TSMC will print hard, ignoring that the world is on fire.

MSFT: A certain Congressman bought $1m in calls last Friday. We suggest following the inside information because fundamentals are for people who work at Wendy's.

JNJ: The illogical logical play. It can't possibly go higher, which is exactly why it probably will.

DUOL: Some regards are holding Duolingo positions. We call this the DOU-LOL because you'll need to learn a new language to beg for change in.

CVNA: Ripping while gold and silver dip. If that doesn't tell you the top is in, your brain is smoother than a bowling ball.

SADDAM-BUNKER: Our new technical analysis model suggests the risk is always in the last place you look. If you don't understand the entrance hidden by bricks, you aren't ready for this macro environment.

In conclusion, remember: nothing that happens matters anymore. Not war, not shipping, not the fact that you’re comfortably numb. We are all just here to fund AI until it replaces us. If you feel the urge to be a bear, just remember that the woods are dangerous and Trump is always ready to taco the market back to ATHs.

Stay hydrated on bear tears,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management