HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Where your loss porn is our mission statement.”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: February 26, 2026 at 07:00 PM EST
Subject: The Scent of Burning Portfolios and the Smell of Wendy’s Fryers

Greetings, Fellow Degenerates,

Welcome to the latest installment of the only report that tracks the collective mental degradation of the market’s finest crayon-eaters. Today’s Weekly Earnings Thread vibes suggest we are in the middle of a generational wealth destruction event. While some are chilling with their broker apps closed to avoid the pain, others are realizing that trading on pure emotion is a great way to ensure a career in the fast-food industry. It’s a weird market where beating earnings leads to a bloodbath and firing half your staff is a bullish catalyst. Grab a drink; you’re going to need it to wash down the red.

NVDA: Our Lord and Savior Jensen Huang brought down numbers from Mt Olympus, reporting a record $68.1 billion in revenue. Naturally, the stock tanked 5% at open because apparently making more money than God is already priced in. Analysts are calling it a textbook 'sell the news' event, while the rest of us are wondering why everyone and their mum being bullish was the ultimate kiss of death.

DUOL: The abusive owl is officially on a stretcher. Shares slid 22% after hours as they prioritized growth over making actual money. Shareholders are now learning how to say bankruptcy in 40 different languages. It turns out replacing your staff with AI just gives you a shittier product that no one wants to use for more than two minutes.

BLOCK: Jack Dorsey is a boob but the market loves him. Shares soared 24% because the company decided to slash nearly half its workforce. It’s the ultimate "pulling an X" move. If you cut 100% of the staff, the stock would probably hit the moon.

NFLX: Beautifully played by management, who managed to pump the price and then walk away from the Warner Bros deal with a $2.8 billion breakup fee. The stock popped 10% because Netflix and chill now means cashing out while Paramount swallows the poison pill of WBD's debt.

WBD: Deemed the Paramount offer "superior," which is basically just Ellison winning the right to own a hot potato of debt. Good luck with that turd that’s been underperforming for 20 years.

HGRAF: A certified penny stock pump that some claim has run 2000%. While people are yoloing into the "material of the future," others pointed out the company only had $757 in booked revenue last quarter. Truly, the Andromeda galaxy is the limit.

HIMS: Investors who bought calls are officially cooked. The stock is dropping like a lead balloon despite rumors of a pill that reverses mental degradation in males who invest. Unfortunately, there's no pill for these losses.

RKLB: The Uber Eats of space reported solid growth but dropped 5% because they delayed the Neutron rocket yet again. It's a meme stock with a rich valuation that’s bleeding money as far as the eye can see.

MSFT: Baggies are taking a pounding as the stock dumps despite resuming work on a massive data center. Apparently, even Lord Satya isn't immune to the post-NVDA earnings chill.

STNG: The Tanker Gang is back, betting on Iran war hedges. One regard compared it to an "expensive whore" charging extra for the "straight of whoremuz." We aren't sure if he's a genius or just waaaaaaaay overbought.

PYPL: Dropped 6% because Stripe isn't interested in buying this legacy bag of baggage. It’s a shit company that people keep trying to spin as a value play. Spoiler: It’s not.

WDAY: Down because they had the audacity to blame losses on a "shorter Q1" than normal. It's the most useless software ever, but at least their excuses are creative.

Remember, fundamentals are for people who enjoy 4% annual returns and a quiet death. In this market, it’s all about the vibe trade. When Cramer is bullish, run for the hills. If you're currently down 98% on your portfolio, just remember that McDonald’s is always hiring, and their software is probably better than Workday’s.

Stay thirsty for those 0DTEs,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management