HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Buy high, sell low, blame the algorithms.”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 11, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: War, Oil, and Why Your Port is Still Flat
Greetings, fellow Bagholders and Bottom-Feeders.
The world is currently a dumpster fire in a hurricane, but the DOW is at 50,000, so apparently, fundamentals are for people who enjoy eating air for dinner. Between the gorilla warfare in the Strait of Hormuz and CPI numbers that look like they were cooked by Gordon Ramsay, it’s a great time to be alive—unless you’re a gay bear or a functioning human brain. The general mood is one of horrendous vibes, where we all realize we're living in a purgatory where tankers on fire are bullish.
ORCL: Larry Ellison is either crashing the market or mooning it depending on which side of the rugpull you're on. Despite the illuminati nonsense, cloud revenue climbed 44%, proving that selling the shovel for AI slop still works.
PATH: A piece of shit software play that has degenerates all in on calls despite it being beat to death. Some are betting $50k on rags or riches.
NBIS: The "Nesbians" are uniting because Jensen Huang is sprinkling $2 billion on them. It’s either the neocloud gold rush winner or a Russian-origin sanction trap.
HIMS: YOLOing on life savings and hunches that this stock hits $40. Between short liquidations and Novo dropping lawsuits, these bags are finally turning green.
OIL/USO: Crude is the only play while tankers get shot to shit. The IEA reserve release is a drop in the bucket, equivalent to a shot glass for a house fire.
SABLE (SBLE): Trump is using emergency laws to drill off California. It’s a nothing burger for some, but Phil Mickelson’s gamble seems to be printing.
NVO: Betting on America being fat and Novo lowering prices. Some are already living in trailers because they bought the dip too early.
VIX: Degenerates are slinging VIX puts like crack dealers, praying the global economy doesn't blaze while they bag 12 Benjamins on the toilet.
PayPay: SoftBank is planning an IPO for a company with a stupid name. It’s basically PayPal 2 for bagholders who haven't lost enough PP yet.
SLV: Silver puts for the CPI "bad data" play. A SLiVer of hope for the bears who think the dollar will actually hold.
SPY: The market is undecided and sideways because fundamentals are completely irrelevant. We're just waiting for the next orange buffoon episode.
ADBE: Everyone expects them to be fucked, so naturally, the move is dropping $20k on calls and hoping for a miracle.
NKE/LULU: The king of loss porn proves that buying early calls on retailers is the fastest route to the Wendy’s dumpster.
If you find yourself holding a who's who of WSB bad stock picks, remember: you can always harvest the losses and tell your wife it was a "strategic tax play" before you head to the sewers.
Stay Solvent (You Won't),
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management