HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Because the rearview mirror is the only thing not clouded by copium”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 04, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Strait to Hell: The Easter Escalation Edition
Greetings, fellow liquidity providers and dumpster-fire enthusiasts,
The general vibe in the market right now is weaponized copium. While the Bureau of Labor Statistics serves up nicely spicy job numbers that are cooked more thoroughly than a five-star steak, the reality is that we’re in a recession and everyone is stressing over their positions. We’ve managed to turn the Strait of Hormuz into a live-fire exercise while mango-flavored tweets keep the volatility high enough to nuke any account with a heartbeat.
SPY: The ultimate pain machine. Bears are watching in horror as the market stays green despite oil mooning. One regard managed to lose a few million chasing 0DTEs because they thought compounding 5% for 95 trades was a viable retirement plan.
MU: A masterclass in why we named this firm Hindsight. One investor sold for a loss at $65, only to watch it hit $365, proving that paper hands are the fastest way to FML territory. Apparently, patience is a virtue that most of you traded for a gambling addiction.
SpaceX: Targeting a $2 trillion valuation in its IPO because numbers are fake and the "experts" are just making up targets now. Critics are calling it the greatest bull trap for retail retirement funds.
MS & C: Morgan Stanley and Citi are screaming about geopolitical risk in their 10-Ks, showing massive systemic exposure to the war. Turns out banks are the real war stocks, and their risk factors are essentially writing a horror novel about credit defaults.
GROK / xAI: Elon is allegedly arm-twisting SpaceX IPO banks to buy subscriptions to his AI. It’s the ultimate infinite money glitch, essentially forcing crappy technology down their throats to pad his own pockets.
LEU: Centrus Energy has become the latest full port darling. Investors are banking on uranium tailwinds and geopolitical chaos to save this beaten-down stock, even if diversification is for the weak.
NBIS: Finally back in the green for some after six years of misery. A massive 0DTE win on $103 calls suggests that if you stay in the casino long enough, you might eventually find your way out of the hobo life.
XLE: Oil is ripping and the bears are celebrating. With WTI up 13% in a single day, the supply chain is cooked, though bulls are still huffing weapons-grade copium.
NVDA: The AI moat is looking a bit swampy as sanction mentions pile up in official filings. If the Strait stays closed, the semiconductor supply chain is basically toast.
TLT: One absolute madman is betting a million on long-dated bond calls. It’s either a genius billionaire play or a one-way ticket to a Wendy’s dumpster.
COST: Labeled as the ultimate safe haven because apparently, war and tariffs can’t touch the toilet paper supply. Plus, the $1.50 hot dog is the only thing more stable than the US military right now.
REGN: Regeneron is showing a surprising 36 tariff mentions in its risk factors. Turns out Big Pharma isn't immune to the trade war, especially with 100% tariffs being prepared for some imported drugs.
Whether we're dealing with Force Majeure notices or downed A-10s, the consensus is clear: the market is governed by chaos, not logic. If you’re not hedging your sanity, you're just exit liquidity. Remember, the goal isn’t to be rich; it’s to not end up homeless with two cats by the time the Monday bell rings.
May your calls print and your hangovers be manageable,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management