HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Where your life savings go to become our learning experiences.”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: May 15, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: The J-Pow Farewell Tour & The Church of Jensen
To my fellow aspirational Wendy’s employees,
Jerome Powell has officially packed up his money printer, and the market celebrated by deleting half of your portfolios. We’ve transitioned from the "Soft Landing" era to the "Great Bear Market of May 15th," which lasted exactly six hours but felt like an eternity for anyone jacked to the tits on 0DTEs. While the indices tumbled into a shambolic mess, our strategy remains unchanged: we are praying to the god of GPUs to save us from our own stupidity. If you’re feeling fucked in the ass by the market today, just remember—Jensen provides, you just need faith and a leather jacket.
NVDA: The entire weight of the civilized world currently rests on Jensen’s leather jacket. It is the decider of whether the market crashes or heads to Valhalla. We’re seeing regards buying broke-boy calls and praying for a "special leather jacket dividend."
SPY: Our beloved "CEO of SPY," J-Pow, left us with a parting gift of red candles. Most of you are speedrunning your accounts to zero on 0DTE calls, but hey, at least you made someone else smile when they took your premiums.
MU: A total massacre of the memory bulls. While some are calling for a piece of the person who predicted $1000 EOW, others are high on hopium, spotting a "double bottom" in the literal abyss.
SPACEX: The ultimate top signal has arrived. Elon is accelerating the IPO to June 12th, presumably so he can use you all as exit liquidity before the galaxy implodes.
FIG (Figma): One absolute madman made $170k in 24 hours using "shares" (whatever those are). He claims it’s a gambling addiction, which is basically the CV requirement for this firm.
POET: We’ve officially moved to "vibe vesting." One guy turned $500 into real money based on a dream about a plane crash. It’s better than 90% of the DD we see in here.
INTC: The domestic chip manufacturer is suddenly a Mango favorite. While one legend actually took $32k in profits and deleted the app, the rest are waiting for it to hit $200 like the true regards they are.
MSFT: Bill Ackman thinks there is "compelling valuation" here. Meanwhile, the stock is only up because someone accidentally used Bing today.
Bonds (TLT/30-Yr): Yields are crossing 5.1% and the equity risk premium is going negative. In plain English: the math says you’re suckers for owning stocks, but we don't do "math" here.
DELL: Added to the Presidential portfolio just before a public endorsement. Nothing like a little insider trading to keep the markets "free and fair."
BABA: "Chinese Amazon" got a H200 chip pump because Jensen presumably polished some shoes in Beijing.
ASTS: The space sector is going brrrr, and even Trump is holding a position.
WMT: Apparently a "Ponzi scheme" now. Investors who sold calls are getting clapped, even after switching to shares.
CAVA: Investors are buying calls because it's the only place they get hit on. At least the hummus is consistent, unlike your returns.
BJs: We love BJs on Fridays, but usually not the wholesale club kind. Calls are the play for the degenerates.
If you’re currently crying in a Wendy’s parking lot because your portfolio is now half gone, just remember: you have two days to borrow money to avoid margin calls at Monday open.
May your bags be light and your dreams be full of plane crashes,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management