HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Where our 20/20 vision only works in the rearview mirror.”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 30, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: The Hajdini Cannons and the Nana Resurrection

Salutations to my fellow exit liquidity providers,

Welcome to the "Daily Degeneracy Report." If your portfolio looks like a crime scene today, you aren't alone. We are currently navigating what the high-IQ crowd is calling the finance bros’ SuperBowl, a chaotic collision of Mag 7 earnings and JPow’s interest rate circus. It’s a week for the unemployed and the unemployable to lose their rent money in a kill zone where logic goes to die. Between a sex scandal at JPM and a dead grandmother's inheritance finally paying off, the market has officially pivoted from "fraudulent" to "pure cinema."

[META]: Investors are currently raising their hands if they got their asses handed to them by Zuck. Despite the 10% drop, the "ballers" are busy buying the dip with seven-figure plays while the rest of us wonder why they pissed away money on a VR Chat clone.

[INTC]: The "Blue Team" is back from the grave. This stock has become a generational wealth engine for the memes. Whether it's the government pumping it or the ghost of Nana watching over us, shorting this dinosaur resulted in people bleeding through their buttholes.

[RDDT]: Our favorite echo chamber reported a 69% jump in revenue. While the stock is pumping, the bears claim it’s all hentai subs and unpaid labor.

[JPM]: Forget the balance sheets; everyone is applying to JP Morgan to see the Hajdini cannons. The sex abuse lawsuit involving facesitting has turned the bank into a survival horror game.

[GOOGL]: Google just shits out money and broke 10% today. If you sold before the bell, Gemini is officially calling you a paper-handed bitch.

[AAPL]: Despite an earnings beat, the stock is acting like a snail. It seems Tim Apple can’t move the needle even with a dividend boost.

[MSFT]: Microsoft is a dog of a stock lately. It could invent quantum antimatter and still go down 1.3%.

[OIL]: Peak execution was achieved by a guy who smashed the sell button at midnight because his wife’s fart woke him up. Smells like money and the Farts of Hormuz.

[VITL]: One absolute unit dropped $25,000 on eggs. Using 19-year-old handwriting for technical analysis, he’s betting the "chicken gang" will take him to the moon.

[SNDK]: Massive beat, yet it dumps. The universe is centered around making sure your Sandisk plays fail.

[NOK]: Someone is yoloing 650k into Nokia like it’s 2021 again. It’s a growth phase play for people who miss Snake on their 3310.

[HOOD]: Robinhood is getting robbed. Using 100% margin to buy HOOD stock is the final boss of bad decisions.

[AMD]: While everyone chases Intel, Red Team loyalists are stunting on these hoes with 9-year holdings that make the "Blue Team" look like amateurs.

[QCOM]: Qualcomm gains are trickling in, though bears warn a reversal is always waiting to eat your lunch.

[SOFI]: The sentiment remains: SOFI will blow every metric out of the water and then crash 10% just because the market hates us.

In conclusion, "Daddy" JPow is not fucking leaving. He’s staying on to continue ruining bear dreams and fighting a fist fight with the "orange man." Whether you’re betting on eggs, cannons, or dead grandmothers, remember: the system is a Ponzi scheme and you are the hogs getting slaughtered.

See you behind the Wendy’s dumpster,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management