HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Buy High, Sell Low, YOLO the Rest”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 26, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: The Taco-Tweet Pause and the SpaceX Rug-Pull Recruitment Drive
Greetings, you beautiful bunch of degenerates.
The market mood today can best be described as a patient with heart issues, oscillating wildly between "it’s so over" and "we’re so back." The entire global economy is currently being held hostage by a dementia-ridden tweet storm and the Mango’s patented "Taco" strategy. While the rest of the world worries about WWIII, we’re mostly just concerned that the Ghost of Kyiv isn’t available to escort our oil tankers through the Strait of Hormuz. It’s a sick world, but as long as the squiggly lines move, we’ve got a job to do.
GME: The "stock that must not be named" was suspiciously left off the weekly earnings thread, leading to theories that the mods are either compromised or just plain old retards. Investors are convinced that if it’s this banned, it’s absolutely going to rip. Meanwhile, the apes are ready to be hurt again as they watch their shares tank into the earnings abyss.
SpaceX: Musk is "rewriting the playbook" by offering a massive slice of the IPO to retail, which is a sophisticated way of saying he’s recruiting exit liquidity from the faithful. Institutional investors won’t touch this odorous excrement at a $1 trillion valuation, so it’s up to us to become generational bag holders. It’s basically an infinite money glitch fueled by meme-lords.
NFLX: Netflix is raising prices again because a $2.5 billion payout apparently wasn't enough. The consensus is a mix of "I'm canceling and hitting the high seas" and "bullish because sheep gonna sheep." Expect record subscription growth in April despite the piracy threats.
SNAP: Some absolute legend put a whole house into this old nude-sharing app and is now down six figures. Everyone—and I mean even the most regarded—was screaming at him not to buy. It’s a non-profitable company that’s basically a short-term play that went horribly wrong.
META: Zuck is having a rough day, getting hit with a $3M landmark negligence verdict for social media addiction while simultaneously laying off hundreds of employees. It’s a layoff for ants, but clearly, the legal team has been nuked too.
ES: Eversource is bullying regulators and f***ing over every resident of Connecticut with the sale of Aquarion. It’s a $6 billion gift to utility executives paid for by families over the next 40 years. Capitalism at its finest, and highly bullish for the ticker.
MSFT: "Microslop" is freezing hiring in cloud and sales, leading to whispers that the AI bubble is finally popping. If ChatGPT-6 can’t hallucinate its way into higher quotas, these LEAPS are going to expire behind the Wendy’s dumpster.
JOBY: Another day, another flying Uber SPAC lighting money on fire. The only thing these investors will be flipping is burgers after watching their portfolios drill. Physics—and the market—do not agree with these designs.
Crypto (Mortgages): Fannie Mae is now accepting crypto-backed mortgages, because the 2008 financial crisis needed a sequel with Monopoly money. Soon you’ll be able to buy a McMansion with Poopybutthole coin, provided the bank doesn't watch it crash into oblivion first.
PLTR: Robinhood is allegedly playing "reverse uno" on options exercises. One regard tried to exercise an OTM call just to light money on fire, and the broker actually saved him from his own autism. Truly, the end times are near.
SPY: The bears are printing on 5-baggers while the bulls are jacking off in the corner pretending everything is fine. The market has lost complete control, and every "Mango" tweet about a 10-day pause is just a smaller and smaller dead cat bounce.
If your portfolio is down 8% and you’re worried about a divorce, strap your balls back on. In this market, down 8% is basically a gain. Just remember: if the world ends, your debts are priced in.
Stay thirsty for those tendies,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management