HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Buy High, Sell Low, Blame the Algos”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 03, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: The Strait of Hormuz is Now a Toll Booth and My Puts are Expired Milk

Dear Fellow Degenerates and Exit Liquidity Providers,

Welcome to the clown market of 2026, where the fundamentals are made up and the oil prices don't matter. We’ve spent the week watching fighter jets fall out of the sky while the S&P 500 treats a 12% spike in crude like a minor Microsoft Outlook glitch. Our strategy of inversing our own intelligence remains our only profitable move, as the Mango-in-Chief prepares to turn the global economy into a "War Economy" while we argue over the price of a Taco Bell quesadilla.

[SPY]: The ultimate bear trap. Despite oil hitting its highest levels since 2008, the index refused to die, leaving put-holders with portfolios that aged like milk on a Wendy’s curb.

[SpaceX]: Elon is targeting a $2 trillion valuation for his rocket hobby, while reportedly forcing IPO banks to buy Grok AI subscriptions to participate. It's the ultimate infinite money glitch on a Ponzi merry-go-round.

[TSLA]: Deliveries missed estimates, models are a decade old, and the CEO is focused on Moon colonies, yet cultists are still buying the dip because logic has been officially deleted from the simulation.

[RIVN]: One highly regarded analyst believes a massive rally is coming because war is "suppressing the market." Apparently, the best time to buy EV stocks is when gas prices are tripling and the world is running on vibes.

[LEU]: Centrus Energy is the new "diversification is for the weak" play, with one investor going full port into uranium enrichment because the geopolitical situation is apparently great for the glowing-rock business.

[NBIS]: A rare win in a sea of red, one gambler bagged $260k on 0DTE calls, proving that if you bleed for six years on meme stocks, the casino might eventually give you a cookie.

[TLT]: Someone actually has big enough balls to buy 2028 leaps on bonds, betting on rate cuts while the admin tries to inflate away the debt and start a third world war on Easter.

[OXY/XOM]: Oil bulls are watching it all burn with glee as crude passes the $112 mark. We’re essentially just waiting for the physical shortages to turn "Force Majeure" into a global spice melange crisis.

[MOS]: The "Force Manure" play. With fertilizer shipments passing through the Strait getting blocked, bulls are betting on a skyrocketing price floor for literal bird sh*t.

[QQQ]: Tech traders are getting DP-ed both ways by revenge trading and Iranian peace-fakeouts, proving once and for all that a single phone call can end your career faster than a Hegseth firing spree.

[NBIS/MRVL]: High-fives for the lucky outliers who hit their 0DTE goals, while the rest of us just watch the line move right and wonder why we didn't just work at Wendy's like our ancestors.

If you’re currently holding a short position worth more than your house over this three-day weekend, just remember that the market doesn’t follow fundamentals, it follows maximum pain. If the Strait of Hormuz stays closed, we won’t need to worry about our portfolios anyway, because we’ll be too busy trading bottlecaps and counting pizza deliveries at the Pentagon.

Stay solvent (if possible),

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management