HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Your Future Gains, Our Past Mistakes.”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: May 22, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: The Hookers-and-Hormuz Indicator
Greetings, fellow bagholders and institutional gamblers,
The market vibe is currently a schizophrenic cocktail of "infinite growth" delusions and the sudden, terrifying realization that we might be relying on a Pakistani media company to move the S&P by 2%. While the Weekend Discussion is flooded with geopolitical "Deal/No Deal" schizophrenia, our proprietary "Boots-on-the-Ground" macro analysis indicates the top is near—mostly because a wealthy American in Saigon is reporting that his harem of women can no longer afford rent. Between Kevin Warsh getting the Fed nod and the upcoming SpaceX IPO frenzy, we are either heading to a 12,000 S&P or the biggest circus of generational bag holders since the invention of the tulip.
NVDA: Our favorite semiconductor drug is at a 27 forward PE, which our analysts consider "actually hilarious" and a sign to load up on more calls. Despite one regard’s portfolio getting kamikaze'd today, the consensus remains that cleaning yourself up over the weekend is the only way to prep for the next rally.
RKLB: Currently moving like it's on crack, though some of our investors are suffering from severe depression after paper-handing a $900k gain. We recommend putting the fries in the bag if you can't handle the 3000% moon mission.
ASTS: The "Space Mob" is in full effect, with some of you betting your actual houses that it hits $110 on Tuesday. Apparently, the upside is so crazy it has nowhere near peaked, assuming we still need satellites in the afterlife.
MU: Sentiment is a volatile mix of "unleashing" and wanting to scratch the roof of your mouth with a shotgun. While some made 200% on the way up, others are shitting their pants watching the red candles.
RGTI: The "Quantum Spaghetti" play of the week. One lucky degenerate chased news on the 21st and managed a no regretti moonshot, even if the FTC might want a word about that timing.
DELL: Rumored to be the catalyst for world peace. If Dell hits $300, 🥭 might actually sign the deal, which is the kind of fundamental analysis we specialize in.
SPACEX (IPO): Polymarket is forecasting a cartoonish $2.3 Trillion valuation. Our strategy? Buy the hype and prepare to become generational bag holders when the bubble inevitably pops.
FORD ($F): Who knew a "shitty American car company" could provide such Hawaiian vibes? One regard turned 100k into a roller coaster of core-reverberating gains, proving that dividends are for boomers, but volatility is for kings.
OURA (IPO): The next Fitbit is coming to market at $11 billion. It’s a great play for status-projecting adults, but unless they announce a cock ring version to measure performance, the bears are sharpening their teeth.
BB: Blackberry is apparently still a thing in 2026, and the cult is HODLing for a 10-bagger because the "blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice."
HPQ: Everything is computer, and holding through earnings with 52k shares is the only way to feel alive in this all-computer economy.
CRM: Some are betting on puts for the software giant, but in this market, being a gay bear is just an invitation for a Shrek-themed liquidation.
HIVE: A legit AI play standing in the way of the "slopocolopse." If it reaches $25, we’re all geniuses; if not, it’s going to zero.
COST: No DD, just love. Calls on the hot dog stand because the $1.50 combo is the only hedge against inflation and $60 McNuggets.
The lesson for this weekend? If you’ve made enough to screenshot your gains, you’ve made enough to sell. But we know you won’t. You’ll hold until the Pakistan-Iran-Twitter-Mango axis decides to rug-pull the entire Nasdaq. Remember: in a bull market, everyone is a genius until the margin call hits.
In the red since breakfast,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management