HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“We’ll Buy the Dip After it Hits Zero”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: February 25, 2026 at 07:00 PM EST
Subject: Leather Jackets, Space Data Centers, and the -69k Club
Hindsight Global Investors,
Welcome to the aftermath of what the degenerates have correctly labeled Judgment Day. The general market mood is a toxic cocktail of adrenaline and pure, unadulterated cope. While the rest of the world watched the actual State of the Union, our "analysts" on Reddit knew the real fate of the universe rested on a man in a leather jacket reporting numbers from a Denny's-originated chip company. The casino is in full swing, and as usual, the house (Theta Gang) is currently counting your lunch money.
[NVDA]: The "GOAT" delivered record quarterly revenue of $68 billion, and yet the stock is struggling to stay green. Why? Because Jensen Huang apparently decided to pitch "space data centers" as the next frontier. If you bought at-the-money calls at the close, congratulations, you’ve made exactly zero dollars.
[HIMS]: Investors are currently losing 20 lbs organically after their boner pill calls turned into lead balloons. Despite the proprietery mental degradation reversal pills rumors, the ticker baited the shorts and left the bulls absolutely cooked.
[CRM]: Salesforce posted their biggest beat in 4 years and committed $50 billion to buybacks, only to watch their shares sink like a stone. It turns out Agentforce deez nuts wasn't the guidance Wall Street wanted to hear.
[SPX/SPY]: We’d like to welcome our newest member to the Hall of Fame of Regrets, who realized a $-69k loss after doubling down on 0DTE puts right before the Nvidia pump. This is the kind of revenge trading we base our fund's volatility model on.
[WDAY]: Puts were the play here because Workday is a useless product that people only use when they can't find a job. Management blaming a "shorter Q1" for poor performance is the kind of high-level comedy our investors pay for.
[STNG]: One gentleman is betting $90k on oil tankers as a hedge for an imminent war with Iran. His due diligence? He was too drunk to remember the other million reasons, but he's "long on the strait of whores." Godspeed.
[WBD/NFLX]: The dumbest bidding war in history continues. Netflix might walk away with a $2.8 billion parting gift, which is a great way to win by not winning.
[CAVA]: Bears are calling this "AI slop" and questioning who even eats this, yet the market loves their slop. We suggest a short position based purely on gastrointestinal distaste.
[OPENAI]: Sam Altman’s planned cash burn is so high it makes the sun look like a lukewarm hot pocket. It’s a YOLO on AGI that could either save humanity or go kaboom in spectacular fashion.
[GLW]: A rare sighting of someone actually beating the S&P 500 by selling "shovels" in the form of fiber optics. Of course, the top is likely in now that it’s been screenshotted.
[TSLA]: Despite European sales being down, the stock is up. We have one investor with shares since 2014 who has "no idea what he's doing," which is precisely the level of ignorance we look for in a market leader.
[CME]: If you were looking to hedge your life with natural gas or metals, too bad. Technical glitches or "silver fuckery" halted the markets just as the circuit breakers were warming up.
The takeaway for today is simple: If you find yourself too depressed to live a normal life but not funny enough for comedy, you’re in the right place. Remember, gambling isn't the problem—losing is. If you blew up your account today, just drink a Capri-Sun and get back out there.
See you behind the dumpster,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management