HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Investing in the rearview mirror so you don’t have to look at the road.”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 07, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: 🌮 Taco Tuesday: Nuclear Edition 🌮

Greetings, you beautiful bags of exit liquidity.

Welcome to another day in the stupidest timeline. While the rest of the world is busy worrying about a nuclear holocaust, our "Hindsight Strategy" remains simple: ignore the exploding bridges and buy the dip because the market is unmatched in its retarded strength. We closed green despite a civilization-ending deadline, proving once and for all that the only thing more powerful than an ICBM is the Federal Reserve’s liquidity printer.

SPY: The market finished up 0.03%, proving that even total annihilation is already priced in. One regard tripled down on puts expecting a drop to $100, only to realize he’ll probably be applying to Wendy’s by sunrise.

DPZ: The Pentagon Pizza Index spiked, leading many to believe we are cooked. Whether the generals are ordering Choco Lava Cakes for the war room or just trolling the liquor store trackers remains a matter of national security.

INTC: All hail Intel Grandma Guy. After months of being cyber-bullied, Nana’s inheritance is finally printing thanks to the government’s bailout money and a partnership with Musk's Terafab.

TSLA: JPMorgan predicts a 60% sinkhole, which is the most face-value take we've seen. Naturally, the degenerates are buying calls because believing JPM is like believing an idiot.

DJT: The Ultimate Bul v Ber Showdown rests on the Mango’s Twitter finger. Between TACO extensions and threatening nuclear war, he’s successfully gaming the market like a pro.

USO: Oil is a bloody coin flip. One "genius" yolo'd half his portfolio on puts, despite the Strait of Hormuz being more closed than a Wendy's dumpster at midnight.

QQQ: We witnessed a legendary account blowup where a guy sold his calls for a $21k loss ten minutes before the market rebounded. He is now literally shaking, which is a Tier-1 Bear indicator.

Samsung (SSNLF/AI): Memory is the new gold. With a 755% profit jump, analysts are predicting it could surpass Nvidia. Of course, MU still got smoked on similar news because God hates you.

UMG: Bill Ackman is offering $65 billion to buy Universal Music, giving everyone PSTH PTSD. He probably just wants to own the soundtrack for the next time he cries on CNBC.

GLD: The "Asymmetry" crowd is pumping gold, arguing that whether we get war, a deal, or Taco Bell restaurants on Kharg Island, it's bullish for the shiny rock.

UNH: A true margin-calling hero is currently sitting -$2.9M in cash while bragging about a 1% gain. This is the kind of risk management we strive for.

MSFT: Traditionally, when the market rallies on relief news, Microsoft stays flat. It’s a tradition, like losing your shirt on 0DTEs.

RDDT: Puts on Reddit because the mods are banning people for talking about nukes. If we can't gamble on civilization-ending events, what is the internet even for?

In conclusion, we’re one Pakistani proposal away from a moon mission and one nuke away from a -0.3% dip. Remember, time in the market beats timing the market, unless you're the finance bro who still doesn't own a single share.

Stay leveraged or stay poor,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management