HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Investing in the rearview mirror so you don't have to face the crash ahead.”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 18, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Tacos, Tunnels, and the Infinite Money Glitch
Greetings, fellow bagholders and future Dungeness crab enthusiasts,
Welcome to the latest edition of the Daily Degeneracy Report, where we analyze the market’s collective psychotic break. The general mood is one of orchestrated chaos, as we find ourselves trapped in a geopolitical infinite money glitch powered entirely by the "Strait of Hormuz" being opened and closed more frequently than a 7-Eleven door. While "Taco Man" tweets his way into the Polymarket Hall of Fame, our analysts have noticed that the S&P 500 has effectively stopped evaluating reality and has instead opted to price in an economy based on financed hot dogs and hopium.
SPY: The index is essentially a roulette wheel where "Strait Open" equals +2% and "Strait Closed" equals another +2%. Despite zero fundamental improvements, we’re melting up toward 900 because nothing matters as long as the money printer stays on.
TSLA: Sentiment is a tug-of-war between bears smelling blood and bulls praying for Elonia to announce sex robots or Space AI to pump the bag. Most regards agree that terrible earnings are already priced in, which is the classic signal to buy calls before the inevitable pump.
INTC: The consensus is to betray nana this time. Intel is the perennial favorite for puts because it always goes down no matter what happens in the real world.
META: Zuck is planning to axe 8,000 more souls in May, which is obviously bullish af. Nothing says "shareholder value" like firing the people who failed to make the Metaverse happen.
BIRD (Allbirds): The "delusional AI pivot" led to a classic pump and dump. It turns out putting sensors in wool sneakers won't actually make you fly, leaving holders as the latest members of the Allbags cult.
USO: Oil puts printed 10x returns for the lucky few who realized "Taco Man" and Iran are colluding on market manipulation via Twitter.
RDDT: A high-stakes play where investors fear that a miss on results means their wife will leave them. It's the only IPO where "bagholding" is a literal personality trait.
MSFT: Some call it "undervalued" at a 3 trillion dollar market cap, which is exactly the kind of rational thinking we expect from people who treat stock options like sheets of toilet paper.
KLAR/MSTR: Why just lose your own money when you can buy now and pay later? New degeneracy has been unlocked by financing stock positions through Klarna, because society is officially cooked.
NFLX: After the previous nuking, the last bears alive are feasting on puts, betting that the CEO quitting is the only way to save their buttcheeks.
AMD: Proving that gambling works, one regard used AMD calls to finance a $19k boiler repair. Just don't ask him about capital gains taxes.
RACE: Ferrari is the new "conviction" play, even if the gains are in fake Canadian money (CAD). It's suspiciously profitable, but we’re all Canadian for a 250k profit.
MU/WDC: Those DCA-ing into memory chips for three months are finally seeing green, though the lack of leverage makes it a "charity" play for true degens.
RTX: Betting on record profits from month-long missile barrages. If the world is ending, you might as well have calls on the munitions.
COST: Forget the stock; the real indicator is the ability to finance a $1.50 hotdog in 37.5 cent installments. This is the financial freedom we were promised.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the blatant market manipulation, just remember: it's not fraud if you're on the right side of it. If all else fails, I’ll see you in the San Francisco Bay catching crabs to pay for your next 0DTE fix.
Yours in perpetual drawdown,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management