HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Where your losses are our leading indicators”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 09, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Strait to the Bottom? Or Just Straight Regarded?
Greetings, fellow exit-liquidity providers,
It has been the single most retarded day in market history, and that’s saying something considering we’re a firm that considers a Magic 8-Ball a fiduciary. We’ve got a war in Iran that’s simultaneously over and just beginning, oil prices bouncing like a meth-head on a trampoline, and an administration that thinks occupying a body of water is a viable alternative to an actual energy policy. If you aren't losing braincells listening to the news today, you clearly aren't paying enough attention to the cascading failure of your portfolio.
ORCL: The consensus is to buy puts and watch Larry Ellison fund his boy’s dreams with a 40-billion-dollar oopsie. However, Jim Cramer is bullish, so the only certainty is that it’ll tank.
CL (Crude Oil): We’re staring down $6 gas and a future where hoarding gasoline in a 2009 Honda CRV is a high-yield investment. If the G7 doesn't stop shooting their load early with reserve releases, we’re looking at $200 a barrel.
SPY: The bears managed to blow a 28-3 lead today. We went from "we're cooked" to "holy fuck, we're so back" in the span of one presidential tweet that basically said "war is very complete."
ASTS: SpaceX is acting like a 300lb bully because they’re desperate. Some regards see a 10x or 20x gain here once the constellation is up, provided Elon doesn't nuke them first.
NVDA: One genius shorted at the bottom and bet that the world's biggest company would lose 1.7 trillion in six weeks. He got massively lucky with a recovery, but he’s still clearly a lunatic.
EWY (South Korea): Trading entirely on the "Escape from the Strait of Hormuz" chart pattern. It’s the only technical analysis that actually makes sense in a world where geography determines our collective insolvency.
HPE: Networking and AI infrastructure is the only play keeping the market's sphincters from prolapsing like they did last year. Some are all-in on calls for the post-earnings moonshot.
RDDT: A brave soul just yolo'ed $185k into shares. At least when it craters, he can post the loss porn on the very platform that fucked him financially.
HGRAF: This beast went from pennies to nearly seven dollars and is apparently the only thing saving military veterans with 40k in personal loan debt.
RIVN: One investor is holding with balls on fire, just hoping the R2 reservation list isn't just a collection of bot accounts.
ULTA: Bets are split between calls for orange makeup and puts because the store is a "piece of crap." High-level analysis, as always.
DG: Dollar General is the play because you can’t drive five miles without seeing one, and we're all going to be shopping there by May anyway.
ONDS: The hidden gem of the volume charts. It’s reeling in contracts, but the pinned threads are too busy arguing over oil to notice.
AVAV: A hit piece dropped it, but drone warfare is a growth industry when the Middle East is on fire.
HIMS: Rumors of supplying unlimited hair loss medication to Iran in exchange for reopening the Strait are unconfirmed, but would be the banger close we need.
Remember, doing nothing is consistently the best trade for most of you. But if you must gamble, try doing it on a phone at 1% battery—it’s the only way to feel alive when the world is going full Fury Road.
See you behind the Wendy’s dumpsters,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management