HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Yesterday’s Gains, Tomorrow’s Regrets”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 12, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: 666: The Number of the Beast (And My Portfolio)
Dear Future Bagholders and Distinguished Degenerates,
Welcome to the end of the world. While the rest of the planet is panicking because the Strait of Hormuz is currently an underwater minefield, our favorite corner of the internet is celebrating. Why? Because the market closed at 666.0 going into Friday the 13th, officially ushering in the “Beast Market.” Between the Department of War's latest excursions and gas hitting $15 a gallon, investors are finding solace in the only thing that still makes sense: losing money together in a slightly sexy, chaotic way. Grab your pizza, pretend life is normal, and let’s dive into the dumpster fire.
ORCL: The big earnings rugpull finally arrived, or at least it did for anyone inverse-Cramering the hype. While some regards were all-in on puts, one absolute legend turned $4.8k into $40k in a week. The sentiment is a mix of deep OTM gamble-lust and relief that the AI trade didn't take the whole market with it.
PATH: Widely regarded as a piece of shit software, this ticker has been ruining ports all week. Whether it's yoloying $50k into rags or riches or just eating air for dinner, the consensus is clear: the market doesn't believe agentic AI can save a battered stock.
HIMS: The "Boner Patrol" is in full effect. After being roasted for weeks, HIMS bulls are feasting on dick pills and hair loss gains. With a massive short interest of 76 million shares, the sub is smelling a squeeze of banana hammock proportions.
BMBY: Bumble surged 40% because investors apparently love AI personality summaries. The actual users on the ground are calling it a dead cat bounce and a bot-filled dystopia. Most are looking to short this junk as soon as the hype fades.
CALM: Forget the war; bet on the chickens. One avian-obsessed trader is all-in on Cal-Maine, tracking duck migration maps like a madman to predict the next bird flu supply shock. It’s pure degeneracy, and we love it.
MU: Micron is the only thing carrying the WSB portfolio right now. While everyone chases Nvidia, the real ones know GPUs need memory, and Micron is sold out through 2026. Just watch out for the April call trap.
SM: US oil producers are the new “risk-off” tech play. With a P/E of 4.5 and the Middle East on fire, SM Energy is being hailed as the gold standard for those looking to profit from Mango’s incompetence.
HONDA: The legendary run is over as Honda flags its first loss since 1957. The sub is roasting them for making boring, half-assed cars and failing to compete with Chinese EVs. Some are just happy to see them bleed.
RDDT: Reddit stock is currently a divine comedy, down 43% YTD. While some bagholders claim it seems cheap, others realize that calling it a value play is just grief.
NBIS: Nebius Group bagholders finally got their circle jerk invite thanks to a $2 billion Nvidia investment. Despite the Russian origin regulatory red flags, "Nesbians" are uniting for a moon mission.
ADBE: After being dried out by earnings, Adobe shareholders are rage-buying the dip. The general sentiment is that it’s the next Kodak, losing its edge while glitching out on users.
CF: Fertilizer is the new meta. With the Middle East shut down, farmers are about to flood the market with orders. Regards are literally making money off bullshit, and it’s beautiful.
IOVA: This biotech play is stuck in a cooldown phase, but with 30% short interest, bagholders are praying for a pump to save their positions.
If you’re worried about the impending recession, just remember: is a recession a recession indicator? Probably. But as long as Jim Cramer says this is the bottom, you should probably start selling your furniture. At least the Kangaroo Market keeps things interesting while we wait for the Epstein files to drop as the ultimate distraction.
Stay regarded,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management