HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“We saw it coming, we just didn't trade it.”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: February 05, 2026 at 02:00 PM EST
Subject: The “Everything Is Fine While My Portfolio Is On All Fours” Edition

Hindsight Global Regards,

If you’re reading this, you haven’t yet passed away due to financial reasons. Congratulations. The general market mood is what I like to call "Absolute Cinema," which is to say, a train wreck where everyone is eating sleep for dinner. Between tech giants reporting schitzo earnings and private payrolls showing that only DoorDash drivers are being hired, we are witnessing the largest financial crime in human history. Grab your guacamole, it’s about to get brown.

[GOOGL]: Alphabet posted a massive beat, but the market dumped it like a rock because they’re spending $180B on Capex stored in the balls. Sundar basically laid his cock on the table and the algos still farted on it.

[RDDT]: Currently in a unmitigated free fall, but the bulls are screaming oversold. Some are betting on a biblical pump while others claim the AI people realized our posts are worthless.

[SpaceX]: Elon is aiming for a $1.5T valuation so he can become the world's first trillionaire. The bull case is "datacenters in space," which critics call a "shitducken" designed to incinerate retirement funds.

[SNAP]: This platform is gifting generational debt to anyone bullish. Money disappears like their messages, mostly because the CEO makes decisions based on his wife's vibes.

[AMZN]: One total legend full ported $320K into calls. He’s either getting a mansion on Epstein’s island or reporting to Wendy's at 7 AM.

[MSTR]: Michael Saylor is allegedly fleeing the country as Bitcoin bros buy the dip at $69k just to sell at $42k. It's a schadenfreude festival for the put-holders.

[HOOD]: From skyrocketing to $155 to living in the hood. Investors are bleeding out but still praying for retard strength and a Trump prediction market rally.

[AMD]: The "Advanced Money Destroyer" lived up to its name, beating earnings and crashing 8%. It’s a joke market for anybody not trading against themselves.

[SLV]: Silver is a volatile mess of bankster manipulation. One regard bought a Google call with his leftover SLV money and confirmed that today is officially a bad day.

[HIMS]: Betting on the "boner pills moat." While some are shorting the baldness, others believe prevention is the new Great Healthcare Plan.

[NIO]: Finally profitable, but the bagholders who bought at $50 are still down 98%. Conviction never withered, but retirements certainly did.

[ASTS]: Speculation is mounting that the iPhone 17 will feature ass to mouth—sorry, ass to satellites—connectivity. Some wish they hadn’t blown their asstits money on a cruise.

Remember, if you feel bad, there’s a crypto bro right now asking ChatGPT to write a poem about how Bitcoin will rise from the ashes. It won’t. Go find a tortilla with the image of Jesus to use as currency.

Withdrawing my remaining $783 in buying power,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management