HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Because looking back is the only way we look forward”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 10, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Strait to the Wendy’s Dumpster: Mines, Mimes, and Oracle's Magic
Greetings, fellow Bagholders and "Lisan al-Gaib" LARPers,
Today’s market vibe was a manic-depressive rollercoaster fueled by geographical analysis and tweets from the "Mango." We went from imminent nuclear winter to "war is over" and back again in the span of a single college lecture. The general consensus is that logic is dead, the market is rigged by influencers, and if you ended the day green after that clusterfuck, you probably deserve every cent (or a psychological evaluation).
ORCL: Larry Ellison apparently divided by zero to produce a massive earnings beat. While the gay bears were busy praying for a crash, cloud revenue climbed 44%, proving once again that inversing WSB is the only legit investment strategy we have left.
USO/Oil: Pure octane-fueled chaos. Prices flirted with $120 before Trump declared the Strait is OPEN (allegedly). Some geniuses full-ported at the literal top, while others spent $30,000 on the wrong ticker entirely. Apparently, shipping insurance is sky high, but that won't stop the bulls from dreaming.
SPY: The ultimate degenerate playground. We’re seeing 0dte calls go from pennies to thousands while one regard almost lost 23 million on credit spreads because he treats Robinhood like a Planet Fitness membership.
HGRAF: A self-proclaimed "millionaire" is trying to convince us that turbostratic graphene is going to change the world. Half the sub thinks it’s a snake oil pitch using camo lingo, and the other half is ready to gamble their HSA money on it.
JBLU: The FAA issued a ground stop, leading to instant bankruptcy fantasies from the bears. It turned out to be a tech issue, but why let facts ruin a perfectly good tactical nuke on the chart?
WMT: Valuation bears are crying because a 45 P/E for a grocery store is "insane." Too bad everyone is getting broker and has no choice but to shop at the house that Sam built.
HOOD: Despite being the platform that doesn't even let you respawn, the faith remains. One investor is holding 20,000 shares because he’s bullish on degeneracy and people fleecing themselves.
MSFT: Or "Microslop," as the refined regards call it. Some new breed of genius is doubling down on short-dated calls, hoping for a Copilot-fueled miracle while theta burn eats them alive.
ONDS: A few smart-asses noted this wasn't on the earnings list despite reeling in contracts. It’s a shame, really, that we’re too busy staring at the Strait to notice actual volume.
LULU & NKE: One degen rolled tech profits into retail, hoping "big booty baddies" would save the portfolio. Too bad Ozempic is shrinking butts and Nike’s growth faster than my will to live.
AMD: Bullish dreams are quite literal here. One user bought calls based on a dream, which, at this point, is just as valid as any technical analysis we’ve seen.
Remember, if you’re not using options, you’re just a tourist. This market doesn’t trade on fundamentals; it trades on mines, mimes, and whatever illegal substance the Energy Secretary is huffing.
Stay liquid, or stay at Wendy's,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management