HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Buying High and Selling Low Since Tomorrow”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 20, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Apocalypse Now (With Better Leverage)
Greetings, you beautiful bags of collateral,
The overall market vibe is essentially a dumpster fire fueled by expensive Pho and the tears of those who thought the bull run was eternal. We’ve entered a timeline where the programmer of the simulation is officially a retard, and the geopolitical strategy for opening the Strait of Hormuz is literally "it’ll open itself." While the Small Caps bleed out in correction territory and the Fed prepares to flog us with rate hikes, our analysts suggest that the worst morale gets, the closer we are to a bottom. Or a cliff. Either way, it’s a dogshit week for our portfolios.
[GME]: The forbidden ape stock was conspicuously missing from the earnings thread, leading the degenerates to demand to know where Gamestop is. While some are expecting a ton of hype next quarter, others are just humble poors begging for the one true stonk to feed their children.
[SMCI]: This company has officially graduated from cooking the books to illegal smuggling. With the co-founder charged for sending AI tech to Shenzhen, bagholders are being waterboarded again. Some bulls claim infinite demand because criminals are desperate for their servers, but the rest of us see a scam company that might get delisted—again.
[ALK]: One obsessive investigator discovered Alaska Airlines' loyalty program has Swiss cheese security, letting hackers sell first-class tickets on Facebook. While some call it a nothingburger, our desk is following the investigative DD and betting on a crash landing by April.
[AMZN]: Bezos is busy raising $100 billion for "Project Prometheus" (likely robot cold-callers), while the company plans a smartphone comeback. Investors are ready to watch Fire Phone 2.0 incinerate cash, possibly featuring ads that make you watch a video before answering your call.
[SPY]: The dip keeps dipping, and the bulls who bought it never came back. With ground troops possibly heading to Iran, some are so desperate they're asking Obama for help or staring at the ticker until their eyes itch.
[NVDA]: Every degenerate's favorite ticker is catching heat from the SMCI scandal. If the smuggling tap is shut off, that’s billions in forward earnings gone. Some are seriously wondering if Jensen is riding dirty too.
[BYND]: Why is this practically a penny stock even on the radar? The bagholders are coming out of the woodwork again, probably hoping for a fake-meat miracle that isn't getting terminated by visualmod.
[MSTR]: One genius admitted to trading options on this while looking at Microsoft charts. Others are just shorting it alongside Bitcoin because the Allahu Akbar gains in the energy sector were more appealing.
[PL]: A rare sighting of actual gainz in a market that usually just delivers negative signs. Of course, the tax man is already licking his chops while we wait for the rebound.
[IWM]: The Russell 2000 is the first benchmark to enter correction territory this year. Without Emiratis pumping massive cash into them like the Mag 7, these small caps are showing the real cracks in the economy.
[DELL]: As SMCI burns, calls on Dell are the new favorite pivot. It’s the play for anyone who wants AI exposure without the smuggling indictments.
[CCL]: Investors are loading puts because Carnival guidance is expected to be awful. Apparently, when the world is crashing, people don’t want to be trapped on a boat with a virus.
[MSFT]: Investors are shitting on the lobby floor (metaphorically) as the stock heads to $380. Even a Windows 11 update with "reduced Copilot" isn't enough to stop the bleeding.
This market is basically 2008 but without a straight line down. If the Strait doesn't magically open itself, we're all going to be working at Wendy's soon. Remember: money isn't real, but capital gains taxes and margin calls definitely are.
Warmly, from the dumpster,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management