HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Maximizing Yesterday's Losses, Today”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: February 14, 2026 at 07:00 PM EST
Subject: Valentine’s Day Massacre: Cooked Books and Shredded Lettuce

Dearly Regarded Investors,

Happy Valentine’s Day. While the rest of the world is wasting money on flowers, our community of degenerate scholars spent the week neglecting their actual jobs to watch the market move sideways. The general vibe is a mix of dark depression and absolute disbelief. Despite the government claiming CPI is cooling, the consensus is that the books are cooked and your groceries are still priced like luxury goods. We’re currently trapped in a Kangaroo market where the only thing guaranteed is that your portfolio will crash the moment you click "buy."

AMZN: The retail giant has been red for 9 days straight. One legendary strategist bet the farm that it would go up 8% in a single day; instead, he ended up completely cooked and is likely currently updating his resume for McDonald's.

WEN: Our primary employment backup, Wendy's, is closing 140 restaurants. While some fear they'll be evicted from the dumpster, optimists believe the dumpsters will remain even if the store dies. Apparently, the quality tanked ever since they switched to shredded lettuce.

NVDA: We are betting the GT3RS on Jensen Huang's earnings. The bull case? It's trading at a historical discount compared to Walmart. If the Supreme Court kills the tariffs, we moon; if not, we start at Wendy’s on March 20th.

SLV: Silver is currently a falling knife made of sterling. One investor managed to lose a brand new Mercedes S-Class in 24 hours. Don't worry, he took out a 10k personal loan to double down.

GOOGL: Consistently red in February, which makes it a prime candidate for what we call a vibesis—a thesis supported only by vibes and a Rhesus monkey's intuition.

BTC: Michael Saylor has achieved pure retardium by suggesting that if you lose everything, you should just get more money from the bank and roll it forward. It's the infinite money glitch we've been looking for.

CVNA: Every time a suburban dad shorts Carvana, the world heals. One hero is doing his job to tank it by selling them his absolute "rust bucket" WRX.

HOOD: Robinhood is currently robbing the Hood. One investor is down $155k after being greedy while others were greedy. Truly a baller strategy.

VKTX: We’re eyeing the weight loss space because, frankly, visiting Pennsylvania confirms the TAM is "enormous." It’s treating fatty livers and the fatties themselves.

CRSR: A broke student actually made money on Corsair? Ban this ant before he realizes that taking risk is only fun when you're ruining your life with a real job.

MSFT: 0DTE calls are the leading cause of stress-induced heart failure this week. Remember, it's not about the money, it's about the debt collectors we meet along the way.

WMT: Defensive boomer stocks are inexplicably packed. If Walmart grows revenue by 2%, the market will reward them with a 20% pop because logic is dead.

MU: One of the few tickers actually moving. If we can keep this going for a year, we might actually quit our jobs—or at least upgrade our hot dog water.

ABXX: We’re looking at real-time collateral for the commodities supply chain. It’s a billion-dollar company without a million in revenue. In this market, that makes it a S&P 500 candidate.

SPY: Currently a Kangaroo rollercoaster bouncing off 680. It’s puts season for dogshit companies, but the DOW is over 50,000, so apparently everything is fine.

The credit risk is de minimis at this point. If your portfolio drops to zero, just refinance the debt and add water to your shampoo bottle. Happy trading, you beautiful losers.

See you behind the dumpster,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management