HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Yesterday’s Gains, Today’s Bagholding, Tomorrow’s Wendy’s Application”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 06, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Taco Tuesday or The End of the World? (Praise be to Allah)
Hindsight Global Regards,
Welcome to the precipice. The market currently has the volume of a graveyard on Christmas Eve as we all sit around waiting for the 🥭-in-Chief to decide if tomorrow is "Power Plant and Bridge Day" or just another Taco Tuesday bluff. Between the President dropping f-bombs and praising Allah in the same Truth Social post, and finance bros admitting they’re too scared to buy a single share of VOO, the sentiment is clear: we are either headed for a "face-ripping rally" or we’re all moving into reinforced cardboard boxes. Grab your 0DTEs; it’s going to be a bumpy night.
[SPY]: The mother of all tickers is currently a rigged casino moving on "fake and ghey" vibes with pathetic volume. While some bears are buying puts as a Nobel Peace Prize sacrifice, the general consensus is that bad news is somehow bullish and we’ll probably end up flat despite WWIII starting on Twitter.
[TSLA]: JPMorgan slapped a $145 price target on Elmo’s toy box, but since the bank is full of cucked analysts, the sub is screaming “Calls it is”. Whether it’s China eating them alive or fanboys selling to fund the SpaceX IPO, the stock remains an un-killable meme.
[LLY]: Eli Lilly just dropped a weight loss pill for $149/month, which is basically monetizing the struggle of every regard who spends that much on fast food anyway. It’s calls on the cartel and puts on McDonald's until the fat-finger trades finally stop.
[SPCE]: One absolute madman is playing the 400-bagger sympathy trade ahead of the SpaceX IPO in June. If a used car company can moon, why can’t a beaten-down space stock that actually resumes operations?
[UNH]: UnitedHealth is being hailed as a safe haven because people don't stop getting sick during a war. One whale is betting millions on a bounce, even though his portfolio is still down $300k and he’s effectively profiting off the collapse of America.
[AVGO/GOOG]: Broadcom and Google signed a supply deal through 2031, which in WSB terms means “already priced in” or “AVGO puts it is”. Google is apparently the only non-bubble AI play, but the market is too busy sucking its own cock to notice.
[MS/C]: Big banks are screaming about geopolitical risk in their 10-Ks, which means they are either terrified of systemic collapse or just have too many lawyers writing boilerplate CYA. Either way, they are the real "war" stocks while everyone else ignores the credit crunch.
[META]: The Zuck-verse recently Zucked a margin trader out of $300k because he panicked on pre-market moves. It’s a great time to buy if you enjoy blood in the streets, but a mental hospital might be a better investment.
[Energy (XOM/PBR)]: The only sector actually crushing it while the rest of the world cries over tech returns. Between Petrobras dividends and the Hormuz shipping premium, "oil is dead" bears are currently being put through a wood chipper.
[COIN]: One absolute unit is max betting Coinbase because he had a “feeling” about Bitcoin. Thesis? “Fuck it.” We look forward to seeing his loss porn or his new yacht by Friday.
[Nuclear/Utility (NBIS)]: With half the planned US data centers delayed by power shortages, the “allergic to making money” crowd is ignoring Nuclear. AI is useless if you can’t plug the toaster in, so it’s calls on the grid before the brownouts start.
[Brent/WTI (BNO/USO)]: A sophisticated-sounding retailer with a Bloomberg terminal says the US has plenty of oil, but the rest of the world is screwed. The play is Long Brent, Short WTI—assuming you aren't about to get an expensive lesson on future curves.
The moral of the story? If you're in your early 20s and work in finance, please stay away from us; you are a recession indicator. For everyone else, keep buying puts on world peace—it’s the only foolproof strategy we've got left.
See you behind the dumpster,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management