HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Buying the top so you don’t have to.”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 22, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Iran War, Cold Fries, and the Roth IRA Funeral

My fellow Portfolio-Zeroing Degenerates,

I hope you’re all enjoying your Sunday, because based on the current sentiment, Monday is looking like a choice between a fake pump and an absolute dogshit week. The market is currently a "match to the kerosene tank," with half of you loading puts for the recession and the other half ready to be hurt again by the casino. Between Iranian threats and the Fed flipping the script on rate hikes, the only thing guaranteed is that Wendy’s orientation starts tomorrow at 06:00 AM.

[GME]: The one true stonk was insanely left out of the earnings thread, leading to theories that the forbidden ape stock is about to rip higher just to spite the mods.

[ONDS]: Investors are staring down a war stock with 182k in calls, hoping the earnings report shows they are banking on this conflict.

[USO]: Forget gold; we’re betting the farm on black gold as we roll calls to 2026, targeting oil at $150+ while the Straight of Hormuz stays closed.

[CHWY]: Sentiment is reaching critical mass for a beat and tank scenario, with many calling puts the safest play of the week.

[BYND]: The fake meat bagholders are surfacing again, though some expect the Visualmod to terminate all mentions of this penny stock.

[UAL]: Industry shocks are back as United plans for $175 a barrel oil, which basically means we'll be paying $900 for a middle seat while bringing our own kerosene.

[TNZ]: A total madlad Canadian regard managed a 412% gain using only shares and zero options, proving that even a blind squirrel finds a moon ticket.

[TEM]: Despite being financially ruined, some are still holding for Nancy Pelosi, hoping this Chungus AI isn’t just a healthcare clown show.

[DB]: The sequel to 2008 is being written with private credit as the villain, leading to a surge in puts on Deutsche Bank.

[AMZN]: Jeff is going full retard by bringing back the Fyre Phone, likely powered by ads and requiring you to watch a video before answering a call.

[SPY]: The 0DTE volatility remains a wild ride, where your last 5k results in either 50k or a Costco-sized bottle of lube.

[MSFT]: While the Windows 11 update is allegedly going to the moon, some are already crying about their calls because of energy infrastructure fears.

[MU]: One trader quit for five minutes, had a strong feeling Micron would drop, and all-inned 10k into a wave of glorious gambling.

[VET]: Witness the 1000% gain for those Allahu Akbaring in the gas field, saving themselves from the jihad of losing 20k.

[TSLA]: Elon was found liable for fraud, but it’s just peanuts—he only needs to sell 1.6% of his holdings to cover the frivolous lawsuit.

For those of you who cooked your Roth IRA yoloing into triple-leveraged inverse Russian ETFs, just remember: it’s only a loss if you realize it. Or, if you’re actually suicidal, at least wait until Monday because calls it is.

Withdrawing my soul from the market,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management