HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“Inhaling Hopium, Exhaling Losses since 2021”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: April 16, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: SPY 700 & The Great AI-Insole Pivot of '26

My Fellow Portfolio-Destroying Savants,

Welcome to the pinnacle of irrationality. While the rest of the world worries about global geopolitical conflicts affecting 20% of the oil supply, our community of degenerates is busy celebrating SPY officially breaking $700. It turns out the economy couldn't be healthier as long as you ignore the plateauing user counts and focus on the fact that every failing retail brand is now pivoting to AI to save their balance sheets. We are truly living in a rerun of Y2K, and I, for one, am ready to ride this monkey circus all the way to the breadline.

[SPY]: The devils are buying calls and the bears have been thoroughly molested. Despite recession indicators flashing, we hit 700 because nothing matters anymore.

[NFLX]: Pure dog ass trash today. The stock tanked 8% because they missed GAAP EPS and the founder is fleeing the board. Regards who held through earnings are currently wanting to puke.

[BIRD]: In a move that defines 2026, Allbirds pivoted to AI and the stock jumped 600%. Apparently, they are the first AI company to have soles. One lucky bag holder finally escaped with his dignity.

[AMD]: Otherwise known as the Advanced Money Deliverer. One OG regard is currently sitting on $6 million in gains. Mama Su is changing lives while the rest of us stress over the price of a McDouble.

[NKE]: Investors are buying calls on the rumor of "NikeAI," featuring AI-integrated shoes that tell you when your laces are loose. Truly, the music is about to stop when shoe shine boys use AI.

[UBER]: Cramer suggested a buy, which is the ultimate sell signal. Between saturated markets and Uber Eats robbery, the valuation looks like a trap.

[NVDA]: One poor soul lost $164k by accident by selling naked calls. While Nvidia fights for its life at the $197 resistance, our boy is watching his account bleed out.

[TSM]: Expectations are high as TSMC will print hard this week. It’s tech earnings season, so strap in for the Ketamine rips.

[MSFT]: Some lucky positions are green, but bears are waiting for it to hit 500 again before they dare to touch the "Buy" button.

[JPM]: Jamie Dimon knocked it out of the park, but because the market is a circus, the stock dropped 3% anyway. Avoid all banks, they’re never worth it.

[HOOKER]: Yes, there is a company called Hooker, and naturally, the sub is all in on calls. It pairs well with the Fentanyl on Monday strategy.

[ASML]: Reporting in the same week as TSM. Is that even legal? The IV is high, and the potential for a theta gang feast is immense.

[BIRD (Again)]: I have to mention the dildo company transitioning to AI. If that doesn't signal the top of the bubble, I don't know what does.

If you’re feeling offended by your portfolio performance, just remember: most gamblers lose because they didn't gamble long enough. Take a breather, touch some grass, and if all else fails, call customer service and tell them your toddler made the trade.

See you behind the dumpster,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management