HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“We Buy the Top So You Don’t Have To”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: May 01, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: Cannons, Hostile Takeovers, and the Sweet Scent of Margin Calls
Greetings, Fellow Bags and Future Janitors,
The market is currently a volatile cocktail of bull euphoria and absolute degeneracy. While the casino stays open, we’re tracking everything from insider trading leaks to J.P. Morgan's innovative recruitment tactics. If the strait being closed for nine weeks hasn't sparked a recession yet, we're assuming the money printer is officially invincible.
GME: The "forbidden stock" went full hard-on today on rumors that Ryan Cohen is preparing a bid for eBay. The apes are screaming MOASS, though sane people realize a company bidding for one 4x its size is like Steak 'n Shake trying to buy McDonald's.
JPM: Investors are "full porting" into J.P. Morgan because they love the corporate culture. Specifically, every regard in the sub is trying to get sexually harassed by an executive with massive cannons. Applications are up 686,000% as everyone wants a performance review that involves leather and face-sitting.
RDDT: Blew out earnings with 680% growth, proving that selling out is great for the bottom line. Analysts are topping the 69% revenue jump while Spez likely bleaches his hair in a celebratory trance.
AMD: One absolute legend turned margin into $8 million, but most of you are just getting ready to be hurt again by holding through earnings. It’s advanced level retardation, and we salute it.
SAVE/FLYYQ: Spirit Airlines is finally crashing (no pun intended) after rescue deals fell apart. We’re losing the carnival cruiseline of the sky and the world’s primary source of airport chick fight videos.
SNDK: Known affectionately on the boards as San-Hulk-Dick, this stock went from $32 to $1200 in a year. It’s a legalized money printing operation that has left Citron shorts in a permanent moment of silence.
TSLA: Regards are going full broccoli on $300k of borrowed money. They're betting on Optimus AI-milfs and robot cat girls, blissfully ignoring that other companies are catching up.
INTC: Intel has officially become a rigged state slot machine. While some sold the bottom like true professionals, others are busy getting pegged by Nana from the afterlife after selling covered calls at $20.
WEN: Wendy’s is reporting on the same day as the unemployment report, which is pure poetry. We’re bullish on the fact that labor costs drop whenever your portfolios blow up and you're forced to put the fries in the bag.
QQQ: One brave soul is shorting with $1.8M, essentially taking one for the team so the market can go non-stop vertical. We thank you for providing the hedge fund liquidity required for our bonuses.
If you’re not currently being harassed by your boss's cannons, you're probably just losing thousands while watching a line. Remember: Sell in May and you must be gay.
Stay degenerate,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management