HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“We Buy High So You Can Sell Low”

To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: March 27, 2026 at 07:00 PM EDT
Subject: The Strait to Hell and Other Great Ideas

Fellow Bagholders,

The market vibe today is somewhere between a boiling frog and a dumpster fire with rainbow sprinkles. While we technically entered correction territory, most of you are too busy watching your portfolios melt like tears in the rain to care about the technicals. The Strait of Hormuz is closed, oil is pumping harder than a middle-out compression algorithm, and the only thing Mango is winning at is nuking your retirement accounts. Grab a drink; it’s spice season.

[SPY / DOW]: We officially hit the Pam Bondi Top. The second she bragged about the Dow being at 50k, the universe decided to deliver maximum pain. Now we’re 10% off the highs, and the algos are slowly boiling us alive.

[MSFT]: "Microslop" is headed for its worst quarter since 2008. Apparently, stuffing Copilot into Notepad and spamming Windows 11 with ads isn't a replacement for real revenue. One genius tried to scalp vacation money and ended up a "long-term investor"—which is regard-speak for bagholder.

[OIL / UCO]: The only green in the sea of red. With 1.5 Saudi Arabias missing from the market, oil longs are war profiteering their way to glory. The only thing faster than the price of crude is the speed at which Iran calls out DJT for his market manipulation.

[MU / WDC]: The memory sector got dumped on a year-old white paper about AI compression. It doesn't matter that we're in a helium shortage or that demand outweighs supply; if Google engineers achieve "middle-out," Wall Street panics.

[NKE]: Sentiments range from "mid as fuck" to predicting a drop into the $40s range. Jim Cramer says he thinks we'll see $70, which is officially the kiss of death for any bull case.

[TQQQ]: One legendary investor doubled down on a leveraged ETF and is currently down $60k. It’s a bold strategy, mostly because it involves buying the dip while the S&P is falling through its 200 SMA.

[GRND]: The "Bottom" literally gave out after hours. Between the app being loaded with bots and Tel Aviv being bombed, the gays are having a rough economic quarter.

[LULU]: Someone went all-in on yoga pants to recover a silver loss. Buying a premium brand in this economy is one way to end up at the Wendy’s dumpster.

[NFLX]: Raising prices again while canceling everyone’s favorite show. Investors are calling it "bullish" for revenue, while users are setting sail for the high seas of piracy.

[SPACE]: Elon is rewriting the IPO playbook to give retail a large slice of SpaceX. Translation: Institutions aren't buying the valuation, so he needs fresh exit liquidity from the ever-faithful Tesla acolytes.

[JPY]: Japan is considering using its FX reserves to short oil futures. They've officially joined r/wallstreetbets as degenerate gamblers, and we can't wait to see the generational loss porn.

[RDDT / GOOGL]: Full porting into LEAPS with a VIX at 30 is basically paying surge pricing for hope. Godspeed to the man grabbing his balls and calling the bottom here.

The Dow is at 45k, gas is $4, and nobody is buying the fake news anymore. If you still have money left, you’re either lying or you’re shorting everything with 630 SPY puts.

May your losses be tax-deductible,

Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management