HINDSIGHT CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
“We have 20/20 vision, but only after the candle closes.”
To: Hindsight Global Investors
Date: February 28, 2026 at 07:00 PM EST
Subject: Strait Outta Hormuz: Oil, War, and Sam Altman's Soul Sale
Hindsight Global Investors,
Welcome to the apocalypse. If you aren’t currently losing 40% of your portfolio a month through "strategic planning," you clearly aren’t trying hard enough. The weekend vibe is a delightful cocktail of geopolitical instability and absolute retardation. While the rest of the world turns to actual journalists, our analysts are getting their Middle East conflict updates from a sub where people roam the aisles of Costco like prehistoric foragers. Between the US-Israel strikes on Iran and Sam Altman officially entering his Skynet era, Monday’s market open is looking like a choice between a green dildo and a total dumpster fire.
[NFLX]: Netflix is the current lotto ticket champion, with one regard turning $156 into $10k. The stock went vertical after it walked away from a bidding war, scoring a cool $2.8 billion breakup fee from Paramount. It’s basically 5D chess: let your competitors drown in debt, then collect billions to buy their distressed assets later.
[PARA]/[WBD]: The Ellison family is busy building a monopoly for billionaires. They’re loading Paramount and Warner Bros Discovery with enough debt to sink a continent—roughly $100 billion. Investors are betting this is more of an ego trip for social control than a real business move. One analyst notes that WBD is a cursed albatross that has already wrecked one phone company.
[BRK.B]: Berkshire Hathaway is getting bombed harder than Iran. Operating earnings fell 29%, and with Warren Buffett finally stepping down, the "Value Investing" nerds are in absolute shambles. Apparently, GEICO is now garbage, and that $373 billion cash hoard won't buy a loaf of bread soon.
[UCO]/[BNO]: Oil is set to go brrrr because Iran decided the Strait of Hormuz is "not allowed" for shipping. With crude about to hit $100+, apes are loading up on calls to profit off the FO stage of FAFO.
[LMT]/[RTX]: Welcome to the "War-folio." Lockheed and Raytheon are the new GOATs as the war machine keeps turning. While some feel like "bad guys" for holding defense stocks, others are just happy to see big defense rescue the sideways market.
[NVDA]: Jensen Huang is out here pumping software, claiming companies like ServiceNow (NOW) can’t be replaced by AI. Of course he’d say that—he’s the one selling them the shovels. The market is incredibly dumb, but we already knew that.
[ASTS]: Sentiment is a mess. Bulls are clenching their ass cheeks over Monday calls, while others are convinced the stock is about to get wrecked despite long-term potential.
[TGT]: An easy short. If Walmart sold off, Target is basically doomed because it’s a worse company. At least the banbets are interesting.
[CBRL]: Some absolute legend is loading Cracker Barrel calls because they have a new variation of chicken n' dumplings. This is the high-level due diligence we pay for.
[COST]: People are dreaming of a stock split. If you can’t find a parking spot, buy calls. It’s foolproof.
[OPENAI]/[MSFT]: Sam "Scam" Altman finalized $110 billion in funding at a valuation that would make a Ponzi scheme blush. More importantly, he sold out to the Pentagon to help build murder robots and mass surveillance systems. Skynet is coming online, but hey, at least the valuation is up.
[ANTHROPIC]: Blacklisted by the Department of War because they wouldn’t build autonomous lethal weapons. They get mogged by Altman who has zero morals.
If you are currently struggling with FOMO, just remember that there is always another trade. Or, you could be like the guy who owes $3,000 in commissions on a $3,000 deposit. At that point, your best bet is to just delete the app. The stock market is easy: just go all in, be ready to be down 50%, and eventually sell high. Why is everyone broke? Probably because you spent $9,600 on Substacks when Michael Burry’s picks are currently tanking -11%.
Stay retarded,
Hindsight Henry
Chief Investment Officer, Hindsight Capital Management